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I am a parasite. Fused with whatever shelter I lay my claws on. Such mutuality has become codependence, and codependence hinders growth for both the host and the parasite.

I need to break away. I have lost myself completely – again.

What was once a relationship that is more than the sum of its parts, where we could be genuinely and wholeheartedly supportive and proud of each other, where we would discuss and contract our relationship, has become little more than administrative for mere survival. Perhaps both organisms are there by habit, despite the cancer that grows in between. Most times, the host dies a painful death, and the parasite, having lost its origins of nutrients will slowly disintegrate also.

Such emotional dependence, having tipped the balance, is no longer sweet nor romantic, but bitter and burdensome.

I woke up last week in the middle of the night, sweating, panting, gasping for breath. I woke up because I shocked myself: “I do not know why I have the boundaries I have.” Boundaries of time, space, place, people, relationships, sex, emotions, play, touch, mind, intellect, thought, life, death, love, hate… Keep Reading…

about Noch Noch

Enoch Li, (pen name: Noch Noch) was born and raised in Hong Kong and Australia. She has also studied / worked / lived in the US, France, UK, Japan, The Netherlands, China, and has travelled to more than 40 countries. She loves travelling and her curiosity in foreign cultures and languages has led her to enjoy her life as an international executive in the banking & finance industry. However, she was forced to take time off work in 2010 due to her illnesses and after spending time in recovery, cooking, practising Chinese calligraphy, reading and writing – in short, learning to take care of herself and letting out the residual work stress, she has transitioned into a Social Entrepreneur and founded BEARAPY to help corporates make workplaces mentally healthy, and support executives to become more resilient.