NochNoch.com

我感知不到的手腕

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在一次毛筆書法課上,老師說:“放鬆你們的手腕,否則就沒辦法運轉手中的毛筆。”我抬頭看著他,明白中帶有一絲困惑地說:“我不知道我的手腕在哪裡……”

 

當然,我知道我的手腕在哪裡,但我不能感知它的存在,或者說不知道它什麼時候是緊張的,什麼時候又是放鬆的。我的肩膀也是一樣——我不知道它們什麼時候緊張得縮在一起,但是別人都能看出來。

 

過去我一直跟身體沒有連接,我不知道怎麼放鬆臀部,也不知道在練習太極的時候膝蓋是否彎曲。能量沒有流動,我感覺不到自己的身體,感知不到自己的頭腦和心靈。

 

更有害的是,我不夠敞開心扉。當然,人們可以看到我哭,看到我笑,看到我發怒,看到我喊叫,看到我憂傷的樣子。但是,我在心中築了一堵牆,誰也看不到牆裡面我私下裡真正的樣子。記得在日本工作時,一切都很順利,我仿佛活在夢中一般。一個人告訴我:你“情感上處於封閉狀態”,讓人無法真正瞭解。我推開他反擊道:“看看我有多少朋友!” 而那是在數量上,而非品質上。

 

我在不知不覺中把別人推開,我不讓他們看到我的傷痛,我不願意冒險用我自己的傷痛嘗試讓任何人有些許的靠近。

 

看,我就是那個完美的小諾,穿著西裝、踩著高跟鞋,包包和皮帶完美搭配,重要,專業,強大!

 

是時候來感知自己了,讓我感知到自己內在的連接,讓別人看到——忽視他們對自己的評判。

 

做自己。讓我先找到自己的手腕……

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about Noch Noch

Enoch Li, (pen name: Noch Noch) was born and raised in Hong Kong and Australia. She has also studied / worked / lived in the US, France, UK, Japan, The Netherlands, China, and has travelled to more than 40 countries. She loves travelling and her curiosity in foreign cultures and languages has led her to enjoy her life as an international executive in the banking & finance industry. However, she was forced to take time off work in 2010 due to her illnesses and after spending time in recovery, cooking, practising Chinese calligraphy, reading and writing – in short, learning to take care of herself and letting out the residual work stress, she has transitioned into a Social Entrepreneur and founded BEARAPY to help corporates make workplaces mentally healthy, and support executives to become more resilient.