NochNoch.com

我的仇恨情緒

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最近一段時間我總是心懷不滿。每每看到任何熟人或者朋友有什麼事情做得好或者是上傳了聚會啊飯局之類和其他朋友在一起拍的照片都會讓我難過。

我難過是因為他們中的一些人只有在需要我幫忙的時候才會打電話。而每次我建議和對方聚聚問他們什麼時候有空時,得到的答案總會是“忙”——忙著和其他人聚會。我理解,每個人都有更親近的朋友,和其他那些人比起來也許我算不上他們的好朋友。但我有一種被利用的感覺,並因為自己不是他們的好朋友而感到心酸。

大體上講我是在嫉妒。

嫉妒自己沒有像其他人那樣參與其中。嫉妒我不在他們那個凡事都能夠互相知曉的朋友圈子裏面。嫉妒他們看上去比我更快樂。

這樣我把自己弄得很不開心

這種嫉妒源於我沒有安全感和認為自己和別人不一樣。我不知道自己的生活將走向哪里而這讓我感到步履沉重,我前進的聲勢很大但卻壓根兒沒走多遠。

我仰賴外部因素和周圍人的觀點來得到自信。我把注意力集中在別人有的東西和自己沒有的東西上。

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但是我忘記了自己曾擁有過的。也忘記了自己的存在。

每件事的發生都有它自己的時間。也許今天是我的朋友們煥發光彩,而我的光彩晚些呈現。

其實我們都可以一起閃亮,這件事上本沒有競爭。

而對於那些只有在需要我幫忙的時候才打電話的朋友,嗯,他們已經開始從我的朋友名單中下架了。

做自己,開心地做自己。

翻譯:楊征

about Noch Noch

Enoch Li, (pen name: Noch Noch) was born and raised in Hong Kong and Australia. She has also studied / worked / lived in the US, France, UK, Japan, The Netherlands, China, and has travelled to more than 40 countries. She loves travelling and her curiosity in foreign cultures and languages has led her to enjoy her life as an international executive in the banking & finance industry. However, she was forced to take time off work in 2010 due to her illnesses and after spending time in recovery, cooking, practising Chinese calligraphy, reading and writing – in short, learning to take care of herself and letting out the residual work stress, she has transitioned into a Social Entrepreneur and founded BEARAPY to help corporates make workplaces mentally healthy, and support executives to become more resilient.