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住在思想裏的猴子

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聖誕節前跟我的朋友聊天時,我的朋友爲我發明了這個新的詞語”住在思想裏的猴子”。那個時候,我還是不確定自己想做什麽,或者即將發生什麽。尤其是,我不確定自己能不能做我想做的事。或許我心裏已經默認了吧。

2010年的大部分時間,我都在病痛中掙紮。當2010年接近尾聲時,我覺得自己身體上和心理上都在慢慢康複。我開始考慮銀行業的”之後”是什麽。但是我不知道自己想做什麽。過去的熱情和興趣顯得索然無味。我的愛好也是那麽單調乏味。即使在上書法課的時候,我覺得特別開心,一旦回到家,生活又似乎變得平平淡淡的。我覺得麻木了,還很疑惑。甚至是迷茫。我應該怎麽辦?我想怎麽辦?

和朋友聊天時,她對我說:”諾,事實上,你是知道的,你只是不讓自己意識到它們。”一開始我還遲疑了一下,然後我小心翼翼地問她,”真的嗎?那麽我可以寫一本書,並且出版?”當然可以,爲什麽不行呢?爲什麽現在懷疑自己了呢?寫書的願望從我六歲起就在我的腦海中根深蒂固了,而且還設想著”出版”了我的第一本書,是關於一只毛毛蟲,它的腳太多了,被皺巴巴地壓在速寫本中,被透明膠帶束縛。

我的心思已經非常明確了,而我自己卻不知道。就算我知道了,也會懷疑自己。就像一只頑皮的猴子住在我的思想中,跟我開了一個大大的玩笑。

從某種程度上來說,我們每個人都有一只住在思想中的猴子。它不應該阻止得了我們做自己想做的事情。把猴子們送回它們本屬的叢林中吧……

翻譯:賈冬玲

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about Noch Noch

Enoch Li, (pen name: Noch Noch) was born and raised in Hong Kong and Australia. She has also studied / worked / lived in the US, France, UK, Japan, The Netherlands, China, and has travelled to more than 40 countries. She loves travelling and her curiosity in foreign cultures and languages has led her to enjoy her life as an international executive in the banking & finance industry. However, she was forced to take time off work in 2010 due to her illnesses and after spending time in recovery, cooking, practising Chinese calligraphy, reading and writing – in short, learning to take care of herself and letting out the residual work stress, she has transitioned into a Social Entrepreneur and founded BEARAPY to help corporates make workplaces mentally healthy, and support executives to become more resilient.