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幻覺

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在公寓走廊的拐角潛伏著一個男人。我發誓他就在那裏。

他在注視著我,從罩著腦袋的連衣帽下麵。黑影遮住了他的身體但是我能看出一個黑斗篷的形狀。

那雙眼睛穿透了我的腦殼。我能感到那種射在身上的強度,在審視着我,掃描著我的各種思想,將它們從我的大腦深處挖掘出來。

那個男人絲毫未動。他只是站在那裏,注視著我。他注視的目光從未離開過我。

我把腦袋埋在沙發的靠墊裏面尖叫。Timmie從他的房間裏跑過來,抱住了我。

“沒事的,沒事的,”他盡力安慰我。

我稍稍抬起頭。那個男人仍然待在原地,還是原來的姿勢。

他不願意離開我。他不會放過我。他從來沒和我說過話所以我不知道他要什麼。他也從來沒靠近過我。

他只是站在那裏,看著我。我只能看到他威脅的眼神。他是來帶我走的嗎?或者他是來斥責我墮落成了一個懶鬼?

我又大叫了一聲開始啜泣。Timmie抱我抱得更緊了。

再看時,他已經不在那裏了。

但是沒有別人可以看到他。我是在妄想還是開始產生幻覺了?

delusion from depression, hallucinations from depression, recover from depression, do I have depression?

這個穿著黑色斗篷的人在過去的兩年間一直來串門。他什麼時候出現事先沒有任何預兆——他會出現在走廊的拐角,衣櫥旁邊,淋浴裏,在客廳裏我的豆子袋上。他的到來也沒有任何規律可言。但是每次來他的行為舉止都一樣。

他只是注視著我,在遠處守候。

今晚我又看到了他。

翻譯:楊征

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about Noch Noch

Enoch Li, (pen name: Noch Noch) was born and raised in Hong Kong and Australia. She has also studied / worked / lived in the US, France, UK, Japan, The Netherlands, China, and has travelled to more than 40 countries. She loves travelling and her curiosity in foreign cultures and languages has led her to enjoy her life as an international executive in the banking & finance industry. However, she was forced to take time off work in 2010 due to her illnesses and after spending time in recovery, cooking, practising Chinese calligraphy, reading and writing – in short, learning to take care of herself and letting out the residual work stress, she has transitioned into a Social Entrepreneur and founded BEARAPY to help corporates make workplaces mentally healthy, and support executives to become more resilient.