NochNoch.com

sudden collapse today

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I woke up today to a very bad migraine. I nearly puked. The ringing in my ears won’t stop. I got a bit dizzy and slipped and fell down 4 steps on the staircase. and then I started crying non stop. i miss my friend.I woke up today to a very bad migraine. I nearly puked. The ringing in my ears won’t stop. I got a bit dizzy and slipped and fell down 4 steps on the staircase. and then I started crying non stop. i miss my friend.

Today is a sudden collapse. I was vulnerable to external stimulus. I was emotional. I envy my friend almost – because she succeeded in doing what i only attempted. I long for that release, I feel so tired, so exhausted. I wonder who understands the agony and the darkness? I doubt myself again for no reason – I am worried about what may happen. I am worried no one would read my book even if I published it. I am worried about a hole in my CV for 2 years. I am worried I cannot finance the lifestyle I want. I wonder why I do what I want to do. I looked at a few blogs and wonder why they are successful bloggers, also burnt out a few years ago and now making so much money blogging.

I had to distract myself and watched a DVD. My head was reeling. Timmie was worried.

I feel like I’m going against everything I have written here in my blog. I’m a bit confused with myself. One moment I believe everything I’ve written and I wrote with all the sincerity I could muster. Next moment, I wonder whats the point.

I’m writing now to let it out. Please bear with me. Today I cannot be strong for you. I need to take care of myself first.

But Timmie loves me. That’s all it matters, he says.

Today I’m trying to hold on to that because it’s keeping me alive right now.

Today is a sudden collapse. I was vulnerable to external stimulus. I was emotional. I envy my friend almost – because she succeeded in doing what i only attempted. I long for that release, I feel so tired, so exhausted. I wonder who understands the agony and the darkness? I doubt myself again for no reason – I am worried about what may happen. I am worried no one would read my book even if I published it. I am worried about a hole in my CV for 2 years. I am worried I cannot finance the lifestyle I want. I wonder why I do what I want to do. I looked at a few blogs and wonder why they are successful bloggers, also burnt out a few years ago and now making so much money blogging.

I had to distract myself and watched a DVD. My head was reeling. Timmie was worried.

I feel like I’m going against everything I have written here in my blog. I’m a bit confused with myself. One moment I believe everything I’ve written and I wrote with all the sincerity I could muster. Next moment, I wonder whats the point.

I’m writing now to let it out. Please bear with me. Today I cannot be strong for you. I need to take care of myself first.

But Timmie loves me. That’s all it matters, he says.

Today I’m trying to hold on to that because it’s keeping me alive right now.

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about Noch Noch

Enoch Li, (pen name: Noch Noch) was born and raised in Hong Kong and Australia. She has also studied / worked / lived in the US, France, UK, Japan, The Netherlands, China, and has travelled to more than 40 countries. She loves travelling and her curiosity in foreign cultures and languages has led her to enjoy her life as an international executive in the banking & finance industry. However, she was forced to take time off work in 2010 due to her illnesses and after spending time in recovery, cooking, practising Chinese calligraphy, reading and writing – in short, learning to take care of herself and letting out the residual work stress, she has transitioned into a Social Entrepreneur and founded BEARAPY to help corporates make workplaces mentally healthy, and support executives to become more resilient.