It is here. Done. A reality. And it feels anything but real.
First off, I do not yet have a hardcopy of the book in my hands. Second, I feel overwhelmed, more nerve-wrecking than hold the crying Riviane a few minutes after she was born (I made sure the nurses cleaned her up before giving her to me ha!)
I do not quite know what to do with this.
There was intense adrenaline in the rush leading up to deadline. Self-induced depressive states as I tried to find some inspiration to churn out those words. Days of blockedness when no creative spirit would seep through. Back and forth with the Editor and Marketing team for the last bits and pieces, and I am sure they must be sick and tired of me now – and to this end, so touched by their sincerity and generosity in working together to make this book go from idea to reality.
And then, there it is. The childhood dreams of wanting to publish a book, finally no longer only a dream. Finally, an author. And no, I do not really count my ebooks as making me an author, don’t fight me on this one.
My first book concept at the age of 8 or 9 was that of a caterpillar who had too many feet. He was frustrated that it took him too long to put all his shoes on to go out as that made him miss all his appointments. His panacea was to chop all his feet off – and then he bled to death. Freud would probably tell me this was the first sign of my adulthood breakdowns and obsession with death.
And then I tried writing poetry, prose, random works, journals, blogs, articles, academic speak, and then more articles, book proposals, and then I just kept writing. Stopped for quite a few years from university and whilst working, and then depression opened up the writing stream for me again to compensate for the lack of meaning. And I had not stopped since. Mostly blah blah blah, but I hope some bits of it is meaningful and inspiring and educational.
So, as I try to sit with this strange, surreality of what is happening in my life with becoming an author, as if Pipsqueak and Tweety Bird would arrive with a parade of unicorns and trumpets to sound the arrival, all I wanted to say is:
BUY MY BOOK!!!!
Because, I hope it helps one soul out there tonight, who need some encouragement.
Because, I hope it gives someone feeling lost, some inspiration.
Because, I hope it might stop one more suicide – or at least know that we have done all that we could before respecting others’ choices.
Because, I hope adults can be more playful again, and parents can stop forcing their kids to do homework or to be perfect.
Because, I hope we can break the cycle of Golden Children Syndromes.
Because, I hope we can stop feeling a need to put up social-media-perfect photos, and just be.
Because, I hope we can get in touch with our inner bears.
Because, I hope we can save lives, break taboos, and help each other. We live under the same sun, is that not reason enough?
And because, I’ll admit, it’s pretty darn cool to now be rightfully called, an author!
That’s all folks. Bear hugs xx