What’s next when it is not clear where the next step is?
Where will Bearapy go from here? What’s the 2018 strategy & AOP?
What to do when it feels like every door I knock on is closed? I cannot even see the door – or window – anymore?
Will Bearapy go AI as well? A product? But what is the point of another product? Has not my chorus been about going back to our core, our inner child, our unconscious minds… so where did this AI Bear thing come from?
Junctures again. Transitions do not stop. Into the valley of despair?
I hate the waiting game. Oh the places I’ll go… where are they?
Sometimes, I just want to lie here and forget the world.
Somewhere to lay my head.
Somehow to contain my rage against myself.
I admit the resentment I feel for those I considered have “made it”, and towards those who would not help or give me the booster I need to get from here to there. I admit the envy. And I know I put myself down with my fatalistically pessimistic outlook on life (no, please do not tell me to cheer up, read this post…).
I admit the frustration I have with myself for not even being able to write something comprehensive or worth reading right now as I type.
It is not so easy picking myself up, but I have a chance to inspire at least 1 out of the 120 high school students next Monday to prevent depression or suicides. There are stories to write about preventing burnout. There are creative projects to do with friends. There are still dreams. So maybe that is point enough.
I am not the “rah-rah-rah” type of person. I have no sunshine overly positive or motivational quote to share. So do not expect all those feel-good-lovey-dovey slogans from me. Right now, I do not even know if I want to get out of bed tomorrow. But that is tomorrow’s problem.
It is in me, the grit, the determination. Just lying dormant for me to access. Keep twirling those sticks and a spark of fire might ignite, as my friend reminds me.
Perhaps I think too much about what is next, and forget what is now. Now – is the time for bed. Good night.