throwing my old life away


My old corporate life was packed in boxes, and stored in the balcony outside the kitchen. For 7 years they lurked there. A few weeks ago, finally I went through them all and threw them out. There were hundreds of business cards from offices all over the world. There were training material, my assessment reports, security access cards…

I cut them all, shred the print outs, and dumped them.

Looking through some old agendas, I did not even remember I had done all that, nor I had accomplished so much. I saw my old salary statements and wished I had the same income today.

I cried. I could not control the tears. It was as if this part of my life was ripped out from me before I had time to grab a bandaid for the wound. Blood gushed out. And then it was no more.

All that I had laboured for in the corporate, finding ways to network, climb the ladder, perform and get those top ratings – to what avail?

Was I ever proud of myself, or did every achievement serve to fuel my sense of inadequacy, questioning the fraudulent, impostor self I masqueraded.

I had come a long way from that, to losing my identity, to recreating one, to building a new one, to trying again.

Would I be proud of myself this time? Would I stop living to please others?

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2 Responses

  1. Tony says:

    I have the same problem. I’ve got a bunch of boxes from my former career just sitting there for the past 5 years. Things I will never need again. I just can seem to be able to go through them yet.

about Noch Noch

Enoch Li, (pen name: Noch Noch) was born and raised in Hong Kong and Australia. She has also studied / worked / lived in the US, France, UK, Japan, The Netherlands, China, and has travelled to more than 40 countries. She loves travelling and her curiosity in foreign cultures and languages has led her to enjoy her life as an international executive in the banking & finance industry. However, she was forced to take time off work in 2010 due to her illnesses and after spending time in recovery, cooking, practising Chinese calligraphy, reading and writing – in short, learning to take care of herself and letting out the residual work stress, she has transitioned into a Social Entrepreneur and founded BEARAPY to help corporates make workplaces mentally healthy, and support executives to become more resilient.