self congratulations


We all know I am a guru in self-flagellation, so let me see how well I do at self-congratulations. Perhaps a dark person like me can grudgingly admit that double rainbows sometimes appear in the skies, even in Beijing…

Every project I look at what I could have done better. Every project I wonder if participants thought I had been helpful. Every project I wonder if I was priced right. Every project I doubt the idea of playfulness was powerful. Yet, look at all these projects I am doing! With banks, MBA students, oil conglomerates, accounting firms, retailers, heavy industries… Company names that people would know, and other smaller but equally challenging and fun organizations that perhaps not as globally reputed, yet. A friend recently remarked that I must be less critical of myself and set more reasonable expectations. This post is an attempt to give myself due credit.

So at least I am doing something. That deserves a mention longer than a few seconds prior to berating myself for all that I had not finished or done as well as I wanted to. Yet, whether there would be room for improvement is besides the point – what I have accomplished IS good enough.

It is true that this self-criticism is hard-wired by now into my DNA, and I am overly driven and competitive person. It was as if, I had to be the best depressed person if there was one. If I could not lower my expectations, and if I resist lowering my expectations, then I might as well accept this fate. Rather, as my friend suggested, I could give myself a proud smile for every small achievement, or maybe I do a chuckle-wiggle like Muddie Bear.

I must have tried this before, to acknowledge the wins as well. I could not remember why I stopped and why it did not work, so I will try again. And I will try my hardest not to brush off any compliments anyone gives me and accept my steps of successes. There is a time to celebrate indeed.

I am a good enough mother, good enough wife, good enough consultant, good enough fish face founder, good enough crazy woman who plays with bears, good enough creative-wanna-be with millions ideas in my head yet to execute, good enough writer (one day I will get published), good enough Nochie

That perhaps accepting that I am mediocre helps me embrace the idea that my ordinariness makes me good enough. Donald Winnicott would be proud of me, and one day I would make him proud.

Because, as you all know, I am not that ordinary after all

And okay, if it cannot be just about me, then you are good enough too 😀

For Rachel

self congratulations

2 Responses

  1. jim says:

    Congratulations, I did not know had returned to consulting. That is awesome. It is also awesome that you can accept and write about just being mediocre and being ok with it. I am not sure I still have that concept down completely (see? I want to be perfect too!).
    I always love your writing. Thanks

    • Noch Noch says:

      Hahaha, you are funny, Jim, I still want to be perfect too :p
      Thanks for continuing to read my writing
      and yes, have turned to consulting and workshops, which is fun. One day, I will manage again ahhha

about Noch Noch

Enoch Li, (pen name: Noch Noch) was born and raised in Hong Kong and Australia. She has also studied / worked / lived in the US, France, UK, Japan, The Netherlands, China, and has travelled to more than 40 countries. She loves travelling and her curiosity in foreign cultures and languages has led her to enjoy her life as an international executive in the banking & finance industry. However, she was forced to take time off work in 2010 due to her illnesses and after spending time in recovery, cooking, practising Chinese calligraphy, reading and writing – in short, learning to take care of herself and letting out the residual work stress, she has transitioned into a Social Entrepreneur and founded BEARAPY to help corporates make workplaces mentally healthy, and support executives to become more resilient.