I don’t know the name of the song, but the lyrics go: “So this is Christmas, and what have you done? Another year over…” I am struck always by “what have you done?”
Each year, I feel that I have not done much, have not been productive as I wanted to be, and have not made my mark to help make the world a better place. Today, as I sat and watched Riviane poke my dog’s nose and calling out “Bamboo, Bamboo, Bamboo” then collapse into hysterical giggles in her self-amusement, I felt a sense of, “Ah, this year I did loads!” in a wave of serenity.
Now as she naps, I took out the self-portrait we drew in my Masters class, and put it side by side with another picture I drew during a Group Relations Conference a few weeks ago, where we drew our learnings about systems and groups. Maybe not everyone will understand the hidden meanings and the unconscious thought beneath these crayon markings, but for me, these scribbles affirm my 2015.
It has been one of great learning and acceptance of myself, to stand up for myself, what I believe in even if everyone thought I was crazy, and to say “No” without feeling guilty — especially when guarding my emotional, time, mental energy, and even friendship boundaries.
As I reflect upon the past year, I decided to stop setting yearly goals or resolutions. I have what I want to do in my head, and lots of reminders in form of transitional objects and bears around my work space to steer me along. There are visions and fuzzy wuzzy imageries. But for me, goals make me rigid in my plans. Rather, for a planner like me, I need to allow elements to flow, moments to transpire, and the systems to evolve. They hide, erupt, rest, panic, converge, evaporate, build, recreate, sparkle…. It is a constellation of systems, of meshes, and of thoughts that lurk behind plasticine walls, frosted with the history of emotions and experiences.
There is so much I do not understand, and the more I study (especially ancient Chinese literature, calligraphy and taichi), the more I am baffled and confused. A disconnect between my mind and body and will.
The challenge is to be aware of the changes, how these changes affect my immediate system, how my actions might catalyze the system, and make my own decisions on how I would like to confront the tests and opportunities — a pursuit of what is my reality and perception of the truth, and to build my world around that.
Hopefully, my bubble will be able to impact earth in a positive way. I think it is in all of us, the drive for “something“, and the good nature in our souls.
So, as the year draws to a close, I would like to thank you all again for supporting this Blog, the new Bearapy website together with my free ebook, for helping me embrace my inner child with confidence, and for me to play.
Come what may in 2016 for all of us!
May Bears Rule!