I am amazing


I was sitting in a neighbourhood café, computer in front of me, a cup of lukewarm coffee and a half eaten brownie to my right hand side. Outside, the orphaned leaves were trembling in the wind, as if mirroring my shaking hands. I was on the verge of tears, my chest tight, and my being floated in mid-air, in limbo.

Anxiety loomed.

Confused, I was unsure of how I arrived at this mental state. Just a minute ago, I was drafting an article on organizational leadership and was engrosed in an academic, analytic mindset. To include a description of the work that I do, I needed to link to my Bearapy website, so I clicked on my browser and out popped my bears and the newly launched free ebook on depression. A reflex action, I smiled at the bears on my screen. A millisecond later, I was wrought with fear.

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My inner critic instigated another round of worries:

What if no one downloaded my book? What if the numbers are staggeringly low?
What if the professor did not like my draft article?
When would I have time to keep working on the Bearapy website and my business proposition?
When can I sit down to do my Arabic homework?
What if people thought my ebook was stupid? What if I was stupid?
What if I cannot pay rent after next month?
What if I never make it? What is “making it”?

I felt my eyes well up as I self-flagellated, discounting my effort and my trials and experiments. I admit that the ego in me hopes that my ebook becomes viral and I become the next top-selling author on some list that someone concocted. But, I also remember that my ultimate goal was to help but one person. Yet, sometimes, overachiever Noch Noch stampeded the bubbly and giggly “Little Nochie” so that the creative and playful side of me suffocates under the drive to “be productive.”

Yet, is this not the very objective I have for Bearapy, to remind organizations and individuals to take some time to play, to enjoy, to be creative, so that we could be more productive and effective?

Floozie’s ventures in New York could possibly be the breakthrough of my writer’s block.

I am trying. I feel rundown. I feel weary. Chinese would more aptly describe my present emotional state: ?????

But I must not forget, that I am amazing, simply because I am who I am.

You are amazing too. Be you.

(And please fuel my ego, download my ebook here so the numbers climb….)

2 Responses

  1. Veronica says:


    I just read your book and I liked it. Thank you for using your experience to help others. I have being suffering from depression since I was a kid and it hasn’t being easy. What helped me the most was my faith in God, trusting in Jesus. Now I am in a new season of my life and after years of not seeing a therapist I am finally going back. I still have my faith but I need help and I knew it but I was too afraid to do something about it, some of the people closest to me didn’t gave me the support I needed when I expressed that I was depressed. In some occasions I just received comments on how I am doing things wrong and how it’s my fault.

    I feel motivated after reading the book and some of your posts. I don’t want to be ashamed no more, I am a wife and a mother and my family deserves better.

    Thanks for your work. Also the bears are super cute.
    God bless

    • Noch Noch says:

      Thanks Veronica, I’m glad to hear your story and thanks for sharing! Glad you like my bears too hahaha
      It is a winding road but I think we both learnt more about ourselves through this experience. Hope it continues to make you flourish. All the best to you and your family as 2016 appraoches

about Noch Noch

Enoch Li, (pen name: Noch Noch) was born and raised in Hong Kong and Australia. She has also studied / worked / lived in the US, France, UK, Japan, The Netherlands, China, and has travelled to more than 40 countries. She loves travelling and her curiosity in foreign cultures and languages has led her to enjoy her life as an international executive in the banking & finance industry. However, she was forced to take time off work in 2010 due to her illnesses and after spending time in recovery, cooking, practising Chinese calligraphy, reading and writing – in short, learning to take care of herself and letting out the residual work stress, she has transitioned into a Social Entrepreneur and founded BEARAPY to help corporates make workplaces mentally healthy, and support executives to become more resilient.