NochNoch.com

Everyone has an opinion

| 8 Comments

Tell someone you are depressed, and you will get a myriad of responses and opinions.

Tell someone you are pregnant, and you will get a hill of unsolicited suggestions on what to eat / not eat, what to do / not do, and how to feel / not to feel.

Tell someone you have a newborn baby, and there will be a tsunami of advice, from friends, parents, grandparents, relatives, strangers on the street, and of course, the omniscient domestic helpers, who are but your employees.
Many of these comments remind me of those I received during my worst depression days. “You should be grateful.” “You should not say that.” “You should feel like this.”

Endless.

The first month after having a baby exposed me to some of the weakest, most helpless sensations I have ever felt. A pitiful sense of diffidence in myself, in my actions, and in my thoughts, enveloped my sleep deprived mind. One off-hand comment, or an innocent query of “how much milk can you pump?” would send me over the edge to doubt whether I was doing the “right” thing.

But what is the “right” thing? What works for you might not work for me. Your perspective on the issue is not my perspective.

So my lesson for myself, as I move on to the second month of being a mother, is to learn to be detached and not let others comments affect my mood. It could well be me: I need not hear into a random comment any criticism and assume others are judging me. If they were, well, who cares?

Well-intentioned suggestions are welcomed. But I need to have confidence in what I am doing.

Similarly, the journey in recovery from depression and self-exploration is a vulnerable one.

Let not others judge you. Take your own time.

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8 Responses

  1. black dog says:

    嗨,好久不见,恭喜你有了第一个孩子,好久没来你这里看看了,我也不知道自己还有忧郁吗?我脆弱得不敢再面对真的自己,只能继续伪装成一个所谓的正常人应有的行为和想法。。。
    有时我觉得,我们有权利忧郁吗?怀孕了,别人会分享你的喜悦,但,忧郁呢?说了怎样?虽然我们都极力的劝服自己,不要在意别人怎么说,但,我想说,我真的办不到。。。我好脆弱。
    继续伪装吧!直到我真的有一天没办法了,自尽,就好像robin williams, 一切就让在生的人充满唏嘘,甚至嘲笑。
    晚安,人生好累。

    • nochnoch says:

      Hi Black Dog

      How are you? Good to hear from you. Hmmm… have you tried any other methods to help yourself? I am much better now, and better able to manage my thoughts and emotions. I still have those down days when I feel like I cannot go on anymore, but it’s easier to distract myself now.
      Did you try CBT?

      Noch Noch

  2. Lynne says:

    Oh yes everyone has an opinion. It can be helpful at times, but sometimes it can be a little irritating too. What is important is not to let the negative comments affect you and the positive ones inspire you. Congratulations on being a new mom!

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about Noch Noch

Enoch Li, (pen name: Noch Noch) is born and raised in Hong Kong and Australia. She has also studied / worked / lived in the US, France, UK, Japan, The Netherlands, China, and has travelled to more than 40 countries. She loves travelling and her curiosity in foreign cultures and languages has led her to enjoy her life as an international executive in the banking & finance industry. However, she was forced to take time off work in 2010 due to her illnesses and after spending time in recovery, cooking, practising Chinese calligraphy, reading and writing – in short, learning to take care of herself and letting out the residual work stress, she has transitioned into a Play Consultant for corporates interested in creative change management and employee well-being using the psychology of playfulness.