After 6 weeks of hiatus, I am back. I do not know where the last 6 weeks went. I had no energy. I was tired. I could not sleep well. I had no motivation. At least I cooked and ate.
I have also been pondering the purpose of my writing. I read everybody’s comments in my last post. Many of them were encouraging, and helped me regain perspective. I am touched that my written words can be a source of inspiration for those who find me. Some comments probed my thoughts. Direct and honest, my readers challenged me to understand my motivations for writing, and to look into my soul. Was it external validation? Perfectionism?
A mid-blog crisis is an opportunity for some soul searching and introspection. There were a myriad of thoughts swirling through my head. Most of them jumbled up. I could not see my present moment with clarity. The future was hidden in the mist.
My energy dwindled in the last month of so as I thought about why I wrote. Then one day, I realized, it was because of the very fact that I was not writing. I was not writing my journal, my dreams, my thoughts, my blog. Writing lies at the crux of my creativity and yet I let the passion extinguish itself by self-doubt.
So why do I write? Because I love writing. Simple.
When I write my blog, it’s for me, first and foremost. It has to be; otherwise there would be no spirit in my writing, no sincerity.
If I were writing for a magazine or another website, then I would gear my writing towards that audience. But for my own blog, there is no need to tailor-make posts, for I am not teaching anyone anything. I am exposing my inner world for others to share my experience. I do not have a goal that I must inspire X number of people, or that there must be 3 takeaways from each article I write. What people gain as insights or inspiration depends on their contexts, their environments, their histories, their personalities…. And all this is out of my control.
Everyone has a story unparalleled to others.
I hope to inspire, impact, and influence – but with no set formula. For now, I write. For myself. Because it makes me feel alive.
Thank you for being here with me.