I loathe waiting. I do not like to wait at the traffic lights, I do not like waiting for responses, I do not like to wait in line, I do not like waiting for my instant noodles to cook… I hate waiting.
I have been overwhelmingly frustrated in the past year. It has been a year of waiting for other people to reply or take action.
My book agent has not been responsive. I was told I would get some suggestions from him in August. 5 months later and he has not replied to any of my emails or voicemail.
There is legal work for some issue at its final stages, and yet this final stage has dragged on for a year.
I feel like I have lost 365 days. In limbo. I feel I cannot move on until some of these issues are resolved. I feel I cannot get better until all ties are cut and I am allowed a rebirth.
I was impatient and anxious. I gave myself restless nights ruminating over what I could do better, what I could have done, what else I could do to speed up processes.
One day, I realized, I have done all I can.
My exhaustion from waiting was because I held on too tightly to those matters. But I gave it my best effort, and everything else, including whether people respond to me or not, was out of my control.
The only thing I could change, was my attitude towards the issues. I shared my anguish with some friends, and typically, they told me to find a new agent. Part of me is lazy and do not want to go through the process again. But the bigger part of me tells me there are reasons for the delay, and I just have to sit tight.
It is a lesson I need to learn – to be patient; to not let others’ actions, or inactions, bother me; to learn not to be annoyed at the whim of situations outside my control.
The universe thinks I have not yet calmed down from my depression and mood swings. So I need to learn to wait. To be at peace with things I cannot change.
Until I can let go of the anxiety when things do not go according to my plan, things will not go smoothly, bearing in mind that “smooth” could be different from what I expect.
I hate waiting. But I will learn to wait – in tranquility. It is what it is.
Now, I am waiting for the Year of the Horse to begin…
I used to hate waiting. Then I started to grow tomatoes. It takes about 5 month to grow a tomato. I tried to speed up the process. The tomatoes ended up being tasteless. So now I let the tomatoes grow at their own rhythm. Everyday I put a bit of water and make sure they are hot but not in the sun. That’s it.
I’m gonna make a great tomato salad tonight.
How was the tomato salad. Alot of wisdom in that analogy. Patience is what I need…
Your blog here reminds me of a book I’ve read not so long ago called “THE MISLEADING MIND” by Karuna Cayton. Mr. Cayton does discuss this reality that ”The only thing I could change, was/is my/our attitude towards the issues…” One thing is sure; it is easier said than done… 🙂
Merci Nochie for sharing who you are…
Interesting book, I didn’t buy it, but read some reviews and some of the key thoughts there. I’ve also been reading some psychology books on attitude change. First of all, I need to change my attitude towards my husband, especially my know-it-all attitude >_< True, easier said than done, but this reminds me of the movie, "Finding Nemo", where nemo says, after he's been caught in a net of fish, "just keep swimming, just keep swimming...." 🙂 Nochie
Hey Nochie girl…I totally agree with you! I wish things could be done faster – all the time. I hate inefficiencies, and waiting…still dislike it. Bleh.
So…I find other things to fill in the gap now it’s no longer active waiting, but more passive waiting. I bring a book to read, read articles or comics on my phone, answer emails….
Find stuff to do.
But sometimes, I enjoy the wait. It slows me down. =)
you know, i’m now trying to wait without looking at my phone or checking email. I notice more about the world around me….
That’s true – I’m trying to also consciously cut down on preoccupation with mobile phones…as I think it’s limiting my conscious and active engagement with people =)
Haha, Tim and I would put our phones together when we have dinner, and say, “the phones are making out, leave them be” :p
Hahahaha! That’s funny! =D
Kung Hei Fatt Choy.
Hope the horse year you waited came smoothly for you, the patience you pours in the midst you are waiting will reap it well…
I also have to admit that i hate to wait. But one thing that disturbs me is people comes in between when you wait and also wait for things to be done by other people, when you are the only want to hasten the process but the other party is taking their own sweet times, forgetting they are people are still waiting.
The place i am in now, that’s what happened. I wrote it. And thanks to the writing, i am manage to wait with humour now….
Hi Xiao Xiao
Glad you found some humour in the waiting. I’m the same as you. Sometimes I want to strangle those people! haha
Happy Horse Year to you too!
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