NochNoch.com

Do I know what it feels on the other side?

| 9 Comments

A reader commented and asked with such heartache on my post, “10 things not to say to a depressed person“: “Do you know what it feels on the other side, taking care of a depressed daughter, worried what I say will send her over the edge, worried for her, aching for her…?”

Honest answer: I do not.

I have not taken care of someone with depression before.

But I can sympathize, for I saw how Timmie had to deal with me.
There are but an esoteric few who could tolerate and thrive when taking care someone with uncontrollable and irrational negative thoughts for a prolonged period.

I did not write that particular post to complain or to be ungrateful. I wrote it, well, because that was how I felt and what I thought. It does not mean I discount the efforts of the support group around me. God knows I am difficult to handle un-depressed already, so add on depression I would be a nightmare!

The irony is, when we are depressed, unmotivated, and feeling like we could never live another day, we have no more energy to show our appreciation. Everything anybody does frustrates us – not because we do not appreciate, but because we are twirled in our own bubble of a world figuring out why we are staying alive that we have no capacity to care about other people’s feelings. We know they are trying to help, yet we feel so unworthy of help we can only push others away.

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I did an interview with Timmie to record how he coped with me when I was at my worst, and am grateful to Black Dog Tribe for re-posting the article recently.

Hopefully it can reach more people and help minimize the rift between those depressed and those around them. Communication is not our strongest point when stuck under 50 feet of snow, claustrophobic and hopeless.

Kudos to that reader, and everyone else who struggles to care for their loved ones challenged by mental health issues.

I just wanted to write a note and tell those readers who stumble on to my site and think depressed people are an ungrateful lot that we are thankful for what you do for us. We just do not know how to express the gratitude, because we are too indulged in our inexplicable despair, and/or we are exhausted from hating ourselves to believe someone could still love a despicable person as us (yes, it is not a rational thought, that is the whole point…)

But, Thank You.

Who do you have to thank today – maybe drop them a little note…
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9 Responses

  1. Michelle says:

    Thank you so much for your words. I have a husband that suffers from depression, and you have just helped me to understand him just that little bit more. Everything that you say here makes sense, because when he is well, he is forever thanking me, but when he is sick, he just pushes me away.

  2. Karl Perera says:

    I was so struck by your page all about “your story” because it struck a chord with me. Writing from experience as you do is so valuable for your own reflection and also helps others to come to terms with and deal with the same problems of depression.

    I love the way you write and the attitude of this blog. I think it helps a lot of people. I also suffered from depression so severe I wanted to end it all but have fought through to go on to writing about my experiences and helping others through my self help websites.

    I completely share your determination to beat depression and share my experiences in order to help others and I thank you for this website.

    • nochnoch says:

      Hi Karl

      Thank you for your comment here and also leaving me a message on Facebook. Thanks for writing your self-help websites too and it’s great you are sharing your experience. We need more people like you 🙂

      Noch Noch

  3. Tonya says:

    Well done Noch Noch!

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about Noch Noch

Enoch Li, (pen name: Noch Noch) is born and raised in Hong Kong and Australia. She has also studied / worked / lived in the US, France, UK, Japan, The Netherlands, China, and has travelled to more than 40 countries. She loves travelling and her curiosity in foreign cultures and languages has led her to enjoy her life as an international executive in the banking & finance industry. However, she was forced to take time off work in 2010 due to her illnesses and after spending time in recovery, cooking, practising Chinese calligraphy, reading and writing – in short, learning to take care of herself and letting out the residual work stress, she has transitioned into a Play Consultant for corporates interested in creative change management and employee well-being using the psychology of playfulness.