No, darling, I’m not perfect. Far from it.
不，親愛的，我不完美。
Certain strengths and skill sets are valued in a social setting and the professional regime. I’ve been through copious amounts of training courses and development workshops so I can reinforce those strengths I already possess and perhaps acquire those that I don’t but are considered vital to become umm, an effective leader, a manager, a salesperson, a respected executive, outgoing networker etc.
In doing so, I intentionally suppress those traits that are according to the rest of the world, less desirable. In fact, in these classes, they also tell us what behaviour to avoid to prevent eliciting the responses we do not want from others.
I sow and I harvest – a good reputation is hard to come by but I achieved just that in the workplace. I’m trusted and respected. I’m friendly. I’m easy to approach. I’m opened to communication as a manager. I’m firm. I’m helpful. I’m efficient and effective (never understood really what those jargons mean). I have been blessed as well and made very good friends wherever I lived, I was “nice”, I was generous, I was fun.
So I cannot lament.
But please grant me the exceptional extravagance – because it is tiring to keep up an image all the time, not to say that I’m not really such a person, but then again, I have my bad days.
I cannot resist strangling some people in Ops because of the foolish rigidity in carrying out procedures – but I grit my teeth, ask politely and persistently, for months some times, and get a simple straightforward logical thing done eventually in the most complicated convoluted senior-management-approved-dispensation way. So patient my boss says, I smile and nod, relieved that all was resolved. But inside I was ablaze with fury. I’m the least patient person in this world if I may. If I could, I would have told those colleagues how stupid they were and made it an order to do what I say—then and there. No, I kept up the smiles and reasoned with them. I even said “please” and “thank you” and “appreciate your understanding” so many times. Was it fake? Or was it purely “professional” because I didn’t lose my temper? Well, I got the work done I guess…
And really, I am so fed up with some people in my social circle. I cannot deal with someone complaining about every single petty aspect of their lives every time we meet: “hi how are you?” “Oh work is bad, men are worse, and colleagues are sh!t, and this and that” “Oh I’m sorry to hear that, maybe try X and it will get better, can I help?” “No, nothing can change, I can’t take holiday because its busy at work but I’m so tired” “Why can’t you take holiday? “I just can’t” “Well, um…” Polite smile – and all I wanted to do was to get out of the situation or slam the phone down. I cringed at subsequent phone calls but I picked up anyways, to be a nice and caring friend.
Why do we keep up images for the world? Life is a stage said some famous writer, perhaps Oscar Wilde or George Bernard Shaw, or maybe was it Shakespeare… and we are all actors on it. So we pretend, we dress up, we make up, we try to be everybody else – but ourselves. And what’s the point of that?
So guess what, I’m a whinger. I am not so easygoing, tough luck. I will whinge.
I’m not perfect. You’re not either.
But at least we can be who we really are.
Be real to yourself.
It’s ok.一定的強項和技能是在社會環境和專業的制度下進行評價的。我已經經曆過大量的訓練課程和關於未來發展的講習班，所以我能夠加強我已經擁有的那些技能，也許還能獲得那些我沒有的，但是對於成爲一位高效領導，一位經理，一個銷售員，一個受人尊敬的主管，一個開朗的社交人員極其重要的品質。
在這種情況下，我有意向別人隱瞞了自己身上一些根據世人的觀點，不是那麽有利的特點。其實，在這些課堂上，他們還告訴我們如何去避免防止他人做出我們不想要得到的回應。
我耕耘了，也收獲了，好的名聲是很難建立的，但是我已經在自己的工作崗位上建立起來了。我受人信任，受人尊敬。我待人友好。我平易近人。作爲一個經理，我也廣泛接受別人跟我交流。我很嚴格。我樂於助人。我做事有效率並且腳踏實地（從來都不明白這些術語的真正含義是什麽）。我很受上天的眷顧，並且不論住在哪裏，都能交到好朋友，我是個”好”人，我很大方，我很有趣。
所以我不能夠悔恨。
但是，請允許我破例奢侈一回，因爲繼續這樣下去太累了！！！！！！
我不能因爲那些愚蠢的卻又必須執行的程序而抵抗壓制業務部裏的一些人，但是我咬緊牙根，還是禮貌地堅持執行，這樣一連好幾個月，好幾次，最終使得一個簡單，易懂，合乎邏輯的事情以一種及其複雜，費解，和大費周折的方式解決了。我的上司誇我相當有耐心，我笑著點頭，如釋重負。但是我的心裏卻燃起怒火。如果可能的話，我會是這個世界上最沒有耐心的人。如果我可以，我會告訴那些同事他們有多傻，還把我的話當成必須完成的命令，我會立刻，當場就告訴他們。但是我並沒有真的那麽做，我還是繼續保持著微笑，和他們一起分析問題。我甚至多次從嘴上說出”請”，”謝謝”和”謝謝你的理解”這類話。這是僞裝嗎？還是純屬”專業”，因爲我沒有發脾氣？好吧，我想我只是爲了完成工作罷了……
說真的，我很煩我社交圈裏的一些人。我跟那些一見面就抱怨他們生活中每件瑣碎的小事的人無法相處。”嗨，你好嗎？””哎，工作不順心，身邊的人更煩，同事都是廢物，還有這個那個的””哦，我很抱歉，或許換份工作會好點，需要我幫忙嗎？””不用了，沒有事情能夠改變現狀，因爲工作太忙我連假期都沒了，但是我好累””爲什麽會沒有假期？””不能有啊””好吧，那……”禮貌一笑，然後接下來我想做的就是逃離現場，或者”砰”的把電話挂了。我都害怕了後面打來的電話了，但我還是會接，因爲我要做個貼心的好朋友。
爲什麽我們要在這個世界前僞裝自己？王爾德還是蕭伯納曾說過，人生是個舞台，我們都是這個舞台上的一角。所以我們僞裝，我們換上戲服，我們畫上妝容，我們試圖成爲其他人，而不是我們自己。然而這意義何在？
知道麽？我就是個愛抱怨的人。我一點也不平易近人，碰上我，算你倒黴。我會很氣憤地抱怨說。
我不完美。你也不完美。
但至少我們可以真實地做自己。
真實地對待自己吧。沒關系的。
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