NochNoch.com

“…if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world…”

| 55 Comments

This was the song my now husband, Timmie, and I danced to during our wedding weekend saga. We started slow and then broke into a hip-hop style where I got to show off my angry birds shoes. The crowd was impressed, haha. Behind the fun and giggles, however, these lyrics serve to remind us of the challenges we had gone through together.

During my worst days, I could not control my sobbing or hatred for the world. It was irrational, I know. My friends told me to get a grip and pull myself up. My parents and seniors told me I was committing a fatal mistake by quitting my job. I felt like the whole world was against me, and I was frustrated at not being able to decipher my problem, or the reasons behind my constant lethargy.

One day, I lay on the brown, fuzzy carpet in our living room, arms and legs spread out, desperate and hopeless. My sobs turned into wails, chokes, and howls.

Timmie came over to where I was sprawled out. He quietly lay down next to me and held my hand. That was all he did. Eventually my crying died down and I felt soothed by his presence.

A few days later, Timmie played me the MTV of this song, Chasing Cars, by Snow Patrol. Holding me on his lap, he stroked my hair and said, “We just forget the world… it will be okay Nochie, it will be okay.”

A little more than a week ago, we got married. For one weekend, I didn’t feel depressed at all, for I was contented – contented that it’s now Timmie & I against the world, that we are one, and that it will all be okay.

loved one in depression, how to take care of someone with depression

When we prepared for the wedding, we were adamant that we would write our own vows to tell each other what is deep inside our hearts

Noch Noch’s vow to Timmie: “…during my crisis, you stood by me and helped me understand that the world is not just full of risks to be mitigated, but one that will work out in its own good tim…you helped me find myself, and everyday I’m with you I become a better person…. You are my bestest friend in the world… I will help you build your castles in the sky and love you with everything I am”

Timmie’s vow to Noch Noch: “…from this day forward you will never be alone in the forest or need to be afraid of the shadows because I will be there to hold you… you inspire me to be a better person and overcome the challenges life brings with our mutual respect, admiration, competitiveness and love…. No matter what, love will see us through and make all our dreams come true!”

Rumour has it that all the men were discreetly wiping away tears when we spoke our vows.

Friends and family came from all over the world to witness our joyous day. We felt truly loved. The support from these close friends was relentless during our trying times, and for that we are grateful.

Thank you to everyone who has supported me. I live another day, knowing that it will be okay eventually. And today I slowly ease back to the online world.

I live another day to write, to tell you my story. So that you, too, may find the strength and encouragement to hang on, and to make the changes in the life you know you need to make.

Should all forsake you, I will lay here with you in cyberspace, and just forget the world.

You are not stuck. You can do it too.

loved one in depression, how to take care of someone with depression

loved one in depression, how to take care of someone with depression


55 Responses

  1. The Vizier says:

    Hiya Noch Noch,

    I can understand what you went through. The hatred for the world and all. I was too manly to sob, so I didn’t do it much. 😛

    Timmie is pretty wise to do what he did by lying down at your side. Instead of telling you how you should behave, he let you be and in the end, when you sobbed your fill, you were fine again.

    Loved your wedding photos! Thanks for sharing them with us! All your red wedding costume lacked was those Empress Dowager long finger nails haha!

    Ah it is always inspiring to see true love between couples who can brave all kinds of adversity together. I am glad to see that your wedding turned out beautifully and I hope that you have had a great rest and feel more recharged as well. 🙂

    Thank you for sharing this lovely part of your life with us!

    Irving the Vizier

    • nochnoch says:

      Hi Irving

      Thanks so much! It was a great wedding and I really enjoyed myself. And indeed Timmie was great to know what to do, which was nothing 🙂

      Thanks for being a great friend to us!

      Noch Noch

  2. Rohan aka little brother says:

    Beautifully portrayed :). Congratulations again and yes there were tears during the vows

  3. Daniel Waters says:

    Congratulations Noch!

    So glad that you had a wonderful day. It sounds absolutely beautiful!

    Angry Birds shoes? That’s the best idea ever! 🙂 x

    • nochnoch says:

      Hi Daniel

      Thank you!
      Yup – Angry Birds shoes is my favorite ahhaha!!! I’m wearing an Angry Birds hat as I type 🙂

      Noch Noch

  4. Ani says:

    what a good news!!!!!

    Congratulations dear and many happy years together.

  5. Baba Wu says:

    Hi Enoch ,

    Long long time no see la, great to hear that you hot married! I read your blog, being touched by it,
    Happy to know that you went out from depression !
    There ‘a full of love in the world , many many fans supporting you , although we didn’t meet for long long time , I still supporting you always !

    Keep in touch

  6. Andy says:

    Congratulations to you and Timmie! Glad to know that you had a great wedding. With such great vows to each other, I am sure your marriage will bring you both happiness in many happy years to come.

    Great photos too! And I am now curious how your angry birds shoes look like!

    Thanks for sharing it with everyone. Take care, enjoy married life 🙂

    • nochnoch says:

      Hey Andy

      Thank you. I’ll send you a photo of my angry birds shoes ahhaha… We are happy, but still so tired from the wedding. But tired from a good party!!!

      Noch Noch

  7. donald duck says:

    Hello Nochnoch, congradulations! Big day for you. Congradulations.

  8. Leslie says:

    Congratulations!!! So happy for you. Reading your vows brought tears to my eyes.

    You guys got married in my absolute favorite place in Beijing. I am making a list for someone who is about to visit and Ritan Park is at the very top! The ideal spot to rest in a generally chaotic city. So quiet and green.

    Wishing you and Timmie many, many years of happiness together!

    • nochnoch says:

      Hi Leslie

      THanks for your wishes. Actually the venue was at Long Tan Park in Beijing, near the Temple of Heaven. It’s relatively less well known as Ritan but it was pretty all the same. We were able to use a lot of the park pavilion, the terrace of the converted courtyard restaurants, boats and all 🙂

      Take care
      Noch Noch

  9. Andi-Roo says:

    You move me. Your words bring me to tears, your vows warm my heart, your pictures bring beauty to my day, & your sorrow tears at my soul. You are so beautiful, inside and out, to share your most joyous day with us, alongside your worst crushing moment. I’m so glad your partner will lie with you when nothing else will make the pain subside. I have someone, too, who lies with me when I am empty and hollowed from crying, & it makes me so happy to know you are not alone. Depression is such a bitch. But we kick her ass together. For a while, at least, we can push her over the cliff back into the dark night where she belongs. Congratulations, & thank you.

    • nochnoch says:

      Hi Andi-Roo

      Thanks for the sweet message, and I’m happy to know you got someone who will lie there with you too. Yes, let’s kick ass together and beat depression 🙂

      Noch Noch

  10. Hi Noch,

    Writing this after choking up on the vows… What a beautiful ceremony, thanks for sharing it with us! And the bear audience looks so cute!

    Congratulations to you both! And thank you for your message to the rest of us. The vast cyberspace feels a bit warmer and more familiar with you in it! 🙂

    Vlad

    • nochnoch says:

      Hi Vlad

      Yeh! I loved having my bears there hahaha… thanks for the note and wishes, and thanks again for looking after my readers while I was gone. Am back a little now!!!

      Grateful for your friendship
      Noch Noch

  11. jennierosalie says:

    Noch, looking at your wedding photos made me feel so happy for you. You are both so lucky to have each other. Hold on tightly and never let go coz what you’ve got is truly rare. I hope I get to meet you both someday. You are both incredibly strong and amazing people to have gone through what you both did. Many well-wishes from the Philippines. 🙂

  12. Annie says:

    I know on the days my daughter feels really bad and so down she cant see things being better that she cant find the words to express how she feels. These are the times i just hold her, lie with her and stroke her hair. I cry with her and i am in pain for her. Sometimes i feel her depression is tearing all of us apart. Some days i really feel my heart hurts so much for her, it could break. Then there are the good times when she is on top of her feelings and life is going well. She is in a relationship with a wonderful man who is very understanding, he hears her, he listens. It is such a never ending battle. We are all tired but fight on. Your wedding photos are beautiful and i am so happy for you. Keep fighting. Every day is precious.

    • nochnoch says:

      Hi Annie

      thank you for taking care of your daughter like that. That’s all she needs to know she is not alone. I’m glad she has a supportive man too. We will venture out of depression sooner or later, and we need the support in the process. So thank you

      Take care
      Noch Noch

  13. Anastasiya says:

    Congratulations, Noch!
    You were a beautiful bride! Thank you for sharing this special moment with us 🙂

  14. Akos Fintor says:

    Hey Noch Noch,

    …angry bird shoes.LOL
    Is there a video of that because if so I will need a copy of it.

    You look great together, I wish you guys the very best.

    ps: I love that song

    Akos

    • nochnoch says:

      Hi Akos

      Hahahah – yes I think there’s a video somewhere but waiting for the videos to come back from the professional team. Hahah if you are lucky I might share it here 🙂
      Will be posting up the shoes I wore in the next post soon

      Thanks for the wishes
      Will be back to visit your blog soon

      Noch Noch

  15. Lily Lai says:

    Dear NochNoch,
    Your story truly touched my heart…..You looked absolutely gorgeous and I wish the both of you all the happiness and joy in the world!

  16. I am SOO happy for you, Noch Noch! =) Congratulations!! =) I’m so glad your wedding turned out so beautifully. “Chasing Cars” is one of my favorite songs and I love the meaning you found in it for you and Timmie. The Angry Bird shoes and the bears are fantastic personal touches! =) All the photos so made me smile!

    Wishing you worlds of happiness! =)

    • nochnoch says:

      Hey Samantha

      Thanks! Hahahah yeh my favourite bits were the bears and angry birds shoes :p Those were the elements I was adamant needed to be present in the wedding. It was so fun but surreal!

      How is your honeymoon going, or have you come back already? we haven’t had time yet to plan that ourselves. Maybe later

      Hope married life is blissful for you so far!!!

      Noch Noch

      • I got back from my honeymoon a couple weeks ago! It went well! =) We tried a whole bunch of new things in Lima!

        Wishing you the very same bliss, Noch Noch! =) Hope you can go on your honeymoon really soon! =)

        • nochnoch says:

          Hi Samantha

          Glad to hear you had a good time in Lima yay! Thanks and yeh hope we can get to go on a break soon 🙂
          Take care, speak soon

          Noch Noch

  17. Benny says:

    The wedding looked amazing. Looked like a wedding I would have loved to have gone to! Congrats on a lifetime of happiness!!

  18. […] down names of those who encouraged me in the direction I’d like to go. I noted down the names of my husband, some friends, and then the few bloggers I’ve come to known well via cyberspace. These were the […]

  19. […] is home, Beijing, where I live now with my husband, my puppy and my bear collection? In the physical literal sense, […]

  20. […] Timmie recommended I read Tim Ferriss’ book, The 4-Hour Workweek, when we were still living in Tokyo. It was a sunny Saturday afternoon and I was sprawled on my bed with the computer, punching the keyboard with furor as I attempted to drum out the MBA application essays. What was a failure in my life and how did I deal with it? How did I show my leadership? I encountered a mind block and went for a tub of icecream with a loud groan. Timmie was engrossed in a book on the couch. I went over to bother him and asked what he was reading. […]

  21. […] Guest post by my husband…  […]

  22. […] that I was baffled why it seemed so difficult and such a Herculean task for some friends to attend my wedding in Beijing, 3 hours from Hong Kong. Surely last flight on Friday night, or first flight Saturday […]

  23. […] had a revelation last week before going bed. Timmie was going through a bad space and time, glum and confused about the next steps. He lamented about a […]

  24. […] My friend asked me what was wrong. I told her. Her eyes bulged as she walked an inch closer, and stated into my face, “What do you mean you did not do anything? You got married” […]

  25. […] we left the hotel, Timmie, embarrassed at my drama, stated, “Show some compassion, they do not know what they are doing […]

  26. Francesca says:

    So lovely to just be with someone!

  27. Shevie says:

    You looked so beautiful on your wedding day. And I love this song too. I’ve been thinking about it this whole week. And thanks for lying with me cyberspacially and just forgetting the world.
    And maybe I can also find someone who could “help me get some sleep”.

  28. […] In frustration, I found self-reflection space. In hopelessness, I rediscovered creativity. In illness, I learnt health. In despair, relationships coalesced and I married a soul mate. […]

  29. […] 我們離開酒店後,被我這一出兒搞得很囧的Timmie對我說:“給點兒同情心不好嗎?他們搞不清狀況是因為他們沒有你那麼幸運。” […]

  30. […] 朋友問我怎麼了。我對她講了我的想法。她的眼睛都要瞪出來了,朝我挪近一步,一字一句地盯著我的臉說:“你說你什麼都沒做是什麼意思?你把婚結了!” […]

  31. […] Timmie recommended I read Tim Ferriss’ book, The 4-Hour Workweek, when we were still living in Tokyo. It was a sunny Saturday afternoon and I was sprawled on my bed with the computer, punching the keyboard with furor as I attempted to drum out the MBA application essays. What was a failure in my life and how did I deal with it? How did I show my leadership? I encountered a mind block and went for a tub of icecream with a loud groan. Timmie was engrossed in a book on the couch. I went over to bother him and asked what he was reading. […]

  32. […] in response to popular demand and requests, check out the pair of Angry Birds shoes I wore for my first dance on the wedding day! […]

about Noch Noch

Enoch Li, (pen name: Noch Noch) is born and raised in Hong Kong and Australia. She has also studied / worked / lived in the US, France, UK, Japan, The Netherlands, China, and has travelled to more than 40 countries. She loves travelling and her curiosity in foreign cultures and languages has led her to enjoy her life as an international executive in the banking & finance industry. However, she was forced to take time off work in 2010 due to her illnesses and after spending time in recovery, cooking, practising Chinese calligraphy, reading and writing – in short, learning to take care of herself and letting out the residual work stress, she has transitioned into a Play Consultant for corporates interested in creative change management and employee well-being using the psychology of playfulness.