Type A personalities have it rough with depression. A friend made an acute observation the other day. “Noch, you are recovering from depression by trying to take things easy and release all the accumulated stress from years before, so why are you stressing yourself out with blogging and writing?”
I walk around like anyone else on the street but inside I am still emotional roller coaster, plunging from hyperactivity to utter irritation and lethargy, even within the space of a few hours. I am unable to control my temper, and cannot concentrate or focus for more than 20 minutes. Yet, I was trying to churn out blog posts, articles, build some sort of social media presence and name for myself.
Even in depression, I wanted to achieve something. Subconsciously, I wanted to be “the best depressed person” in the world, or something of that sort.
I had never been tested before, and who knows how representative is the theory of Type A and B personalities. But I’ve always been told I was a Type A alpha female.
According to Wikipedia and Psychology Today, this means I’m:
Preoccupied with my status
Hate ambivalence and delays
And highly likely to end up with coronary disease and other stress related illnesses
I even asked my shrink whether he was frustrated with my progress and if I should have done better, or whether he was bored with my lamentations week after week. I was trying to be his best patient.
And I ask myself, why did I burn out? (*with a shocking, sarcastic tone*)
I’m surprised I hadn’t had a heart attack or suffered more serious physical ailments earlier on.
Chill out. It’s not apocalypse. You can sit today and do nothing.
Computer off, going to sit now… (well, ok, I’m going to read my favourite vampire love story while sitting… *with a sheepish grin*)
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