NochNoch.com

i’m tired

| 17 Comments

I feel so tired. There is some indescribable sense of exhaustion in my body and mind and spirit. I’m tired of trying, tired of being tired.
Some days I wake up, and I’m just tired of the fact that I’m alive and still breathing. I’m tired of trying to fill my hours with something to do or someone to see, so I don’t feel as irrelevant to the world as I sometimes feel.

I am tired of smiling and being happy, when there really isn’t much to jump and shout for joy for – I am grateful for what I have, but then again, it’s just the life I have and the experience I have, so nothing in particular.

Sometimes I feel completely void of emotions and incapable of feelings.

I’m so tired of being depressed or crying that I don’t even bother to cry anymore.

I just can’t be bothered. I am tired of being myself.

I’m tired of all these so-called challenges that will build my character, and if I persist enough, something will happen.

I’m tired of sitting and doing nothing. I’m tired of being busy and doing something.

I’m tired of thinking, and not thinking.

I’m just tired today.

I’m just being me.

And that’s ok.

Time for a coffee break.

17 Responses

  1. Vlad | Simpler Life Today says:
    10 November, 2011 at 1:13 am

    hi noch, you don’t have to be happy, you don’t have to be sad, you don’t have to do, or be anything. find peace in being nothing at all – or being everything. Sometimes, when I feel this way, I resort to meditation and it always helps me…

    Take care, Vlad

    • nochnoch says:
      10 November, 2011 at 10:05 am

      hi Vlad, thanks for visiting. you are quite right there! i’m learning meditation too, but more through my Chinese calligraphy practice. I always visit your site and read about your meditation techniques too. thanks again for being an inspiration. I hope you will keep coming back and share your experience here too!
      noch

  2. Vlad | Simpler Life Today says:
    10 November, 2011 at 2:18 pm

    The inspiration is mutual. It’s important to have support, so I’ll check in on you and you do the same!

    Vlad

  3. adeline says:
    14 November, 2011 at 11:19 am

    You think subconsciously “being tired is wrong”. If you think being tired is fine, you will not be bothered. All these feelings, positive or negative , constitute our colorful life. Just enjoy being tired when you feel it!

  4. Muriel says:
    20 November, 2011 at 12:27 am

    Hey NochNoch. Whatever that you’re going through, please know that I have been there indefinitely, and yet one day I have walked straight out of the fog and mist in that dark world and found the sun.
    Please remember this, even if you do not know me or my story and feel absolutely nothing for these words.

    🙂

    • nochnoch says:
      23 November, 2011 at 10:13 am

      Hi Muriel, thanks for dropping by to read my rambles. and thanks for the encouragement. i hold strong to the believe that yes one day i will walk out and find the sun as you have! please take care, wherever you are!
      noch

  5. black dog says:
    28 November, 2011 at 12:14 am

    hi!noch,i m same with u, when i first to read your article, i just aware how similar we are, i deeply understand this kind of feeling, when u trying to struggle, its gonna nothing happened, i also very lazy to try any methods that can let me feeling better…
    my girlfriend always consoled me that everything will gonna be fine, but i know myself, i know my every single feeling in my mind, i known, i realize thats nothing improve… my depression just keep rolling and rolling in my body, i m tired too…
    die or dont die also is very hard for me to choose, i suffering, but i afraid the others will know about my real feeling, i m sorry y i want to write this for you, cos i know its too negative, but what i just want to say, i have same feeling with what the things u written….
    i dont know my future, i scare, and y i scare? thats not bcos its unpredictable, but i feel thats not under my control, sometimes when i saw the vagrant on the road, i scare i will become them one day, now my brain is all negative thinking, the most i wanna bounce back, like exercise, watch comedy film, and want to be a positive thinking person, i discovered thats all useless…
    i m sorry, my english is bad, hope u can understand, i dont know y i m here, but maybe i found someone is can really understand whats the depressive people thinking, at least, dont just like our friend, or maybe Psychiatrist, they dont know, but they all pretend like very understand u, thats suck!!! i hate this, even sometimes i have seen the counsellor, but i hate the feeling, very very hate! y i cant be stronger, y i must accept all bad things happened? wtf!! i m tired, i m no confidence, i m negative, so what!!! thats me!!! even how many times u said must accept yourself, must positive, but i cant!! i reaalllllllly cant!
    anyway, hope u forgive me to write all these things here, i need a space, i need a people is really can understand what the depressive person is thinking, thats all, bless you!!

  6. A New Page | nochnoch says:
    18 December, 2011 at 7:06 pm

    […] thanks to the efforts of my designer, I hope to encourage those having a hard time, suffering from depression or not, to carry on an extra mile. I do not purport to hold the panacea to problems, for I still […]

  7. Rajesh Sharma says:
    18 December, 2011 at 8:02 pm

    Being as we’re. Being passion. Doing passion. If enjoying sitting still sit still. As it is … 🙂

  8. 10 things NOT to say to a depressed person | nochnoch says:
    20 February, 2012 at 9:14 pm

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  9. 10 ting du ikke får lov til å si til en deprimert! | Syke mennesker eller sykt samfunn? says:
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  10. Christina says:
    5 June, 2012 at 8:09 am

    Thanks for sharing your feelings on this day. It’s nice to know you aren’t the only one who feels this way somedays. I feel like this sometimes and I’m trying so hard to think happier but we are only being ourselves when we feel this way and I like that you make that a point that it’s ok to feel this way. Because after all, what is normal? There should not be a thing called normal. We are all being ourselves.

    • nochnoch says:
      7 June, 2012 at 6:30 pm

      Hi Christina

      Glad you found some support here. Hope it helped you. We all have days where we don’t want to go on. It’s better to be in touch with that than to suppress or deny it, don’t you think?

      Noch Noch

  11. Christina says:
    7 June, 2012 at 9:11 pm

    I agree Noch Noch. I felt that way yesterday where I didn’t feel like dealing with much but I kept thinking of the things you say on your blog. That it’s ok to feel that way sometimes. I’m going to try to make today better but i know now because of you, that it’s ok not to have good days. I used to think there was something wrong with me when I would have my bad days but not anymore.

    • nochnoch says:
      12 June, 2012 at 9:06 am

      That’s great to know – go with the flow and embrace the emotions, it could teach you a lot!!! Courage my dear friend!!
      Noch Noch

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about Noch Noch

Enoch Li, (pen name: Noch Noch) was born and raised in Hong Kong and Australia. She has also studied / worked / lived in the US, France, UK, Japan, The Netherlands, China, and has travelled to more than 40 countries. She loves travelling and her curiosity in foreign cultures and languages has led her to enjoy her life as an international executive in the banking & finance industry. However, she was forced to take time off work in 2010 due to her illnesses and after spending time in recovery, cooking, practising Chinese calligraphy, reading and writing – in short, learning to take care of herself and letting out the residual work stress, she has transitioned into a Social Entrepreneur and founded BEARAPY to help corporates make workplaces mentally healthy, and support executives to become more resilient.

NochNoch