In one of my meetings with my executive coach, he said to me, “Yes, I am changing the world, I really believe that.” I was awestruck and dumbfounded at his non-arrogant self-confidence, and such a radiant glow exudes from inside him as a result of this confidence.
Is it the culture of humility, or the “that’s not good enough” from my mother as I was growing up, or that I never attained the perfection I outline for myself? I have never felt genuinely a belief in myself, that whatever I was doing, I was changing the world, one person at a time.
Fact is, I don’t even know what I am doing sometimes.
I would love to change the world and exert some sort of positive influence. Perhaps I have a delusion of grandeur, but my idea of influence is umm, Obama, Steve Jobs and maybe Hitler? I think in such grand scales that I forget the little things I’m doing that added up together, make up big things.
And anyways, big or small, it’s all relative, so maybe I should stop categorizing deeds for a start.
Other than that, I think there is a lot of self-doubt in me. I might achieve something I am happy with and be proud of myself for a moment, and then I envelope myself with self criticism and things I could improve on, so that in the end, I destroy my own sense of achievement. Even when the whole world was congratulating me for doing something, I still think, “Oh really? Are you sure? But what about this that is not perfect?”
I used to mistake this trait as being overly ambitious and aggressive, that I always want more and better. Perhaps it comes across as so, but introspection tells me it is more because of my lack of self-confidence and that the constant self-doubt arises.
So how do we believe in ourselves? It’s amusing when I flip through self-help books and blogs and they always say, “Step 1 – Believe in Yourself.” Yeh well, HOW?
Again, I don’t know. Maybe everyday we wake up we just need to chant, “I believe I am changing the world, I believe I am changing the world, I believe I am changing the world….”
Obviously, not everyone has the dream to change the world. Others might just want to change themselves. For me, I’m trying to catch myself every time I’m about to discount my own achievement or say “but” after receiving a compliment or giving myself a pat on my back.
Sometimes, we just need to bask in our own glory, even if for a split second, to remind ourselves, that we are worthy in our own right, whatever it is we are trying to achieve.
I’m me, and that’s ok.
The world is waiting to hear my story – they are waiting to hear your’s too.