Do you think there would be a difference if we asked the young preschoolers “what do you want to do?” instead of “what do you want to be” when you grow up?
I’m no child expert, but I tend to think, if our kids concentrate on the tasks or activities that make them happy and excited, and what they want to do, they’d be more fulfilled as an adult. Take for example, if the kid likes to talk a lot and speak in front of people, he or she could end up as a motivational speaker, an orator, a politician, a trainer, a teacher… the list goes on. But he won’t be thinking, should I be any of the above in the first instance; rather he’d look at his own interests first and see what job or career out in the world could fit in with his preferences.
Whereas, if the child is always focused on the label of profession, and being someone, perhaps as they grow up they lose sight of their real passions and interests. The same kid might end up doing the same job, but because he said he would be a teacher in kindergarten one day, and not because he wants to talk a lot in front of many people.
Same result. Different journey. Which one would be happier? Who knows. But then again, why do so many executives these days feel confused and lost about their job, and executive coaches always start with the questions:
What do you enjoy? What do you want to do?
No one asked me what I want to do when I was younger, and I had always just pondered what I want to be – lawyer, banker, CEO, politician, doctor? I had a Tiger Mum all right, telling me what I should be doing or what profession I should take because it would make me the most money, and so I was drilled to achieve and polish up a CV for that very purpose. I was never asked – what do you like doing? I was given piano lessons, swimming lessons, basketball lessons, dance lessons…AND I had to be the best in them all because if not I’d probably get a good spanking, or at least a few words as “you are only the captain of the team? what about the Best Player Award?” I internalized everything thinking “it’s all good for me, I enjoy them, I will do well in them”. If I complained I was miserable attending swimming lessons 3 times a week and I didn’t like the coach yelling at me, I was told that I was being ungrateful that I was given the opportunities to learn. Never was I guided to think if I was actually happy arguing about some random philosophy on whether the pen is mightier than the sword during a debate competition. I won Best Debater, so I thought I liked it…
Is this why I ended up in the rut I am going through? Perhaps not the only reason but definitely one of the culprits. Well, maybe now is not too late to think about what I want to do.
And I’m going to try to remember to ask my children what they want to do instead of what they want to be. They shouldn’t need to fit in labels and boxes.
And if I don’t do so, they need to tell me to read my own blog…
You are already being an amazing mom to bamboo! Another inspiring article, especially to all the new and future parents.
Thanks viv but u havent seen how i am when training bamboo so u cant really say i’m ‘amazing’ – actually i’m 200% tiger mum to bamboo, which is why i am writing this article to remind myself. Thanks for always reading my blog
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this is so sweet! more children need to be told that they are perfect just the way they are. children know more than adults in my opinion.
i had a tiger mum too. i think the turning point came when i realized that she has feelings of insecurity too, and she is just trying to be the best mom she can be too, and she is burying things also.
the only way forward is to change the energy that started the problem. and sometimes, you just need space to unwind!
accept her unconditionally, love her, and realize that you are and always have been totally free to choose for yourself, even if she chose your circumstances when you were young.
then you both are free 🙂
Hi Delilah – what a coincidence, i started holding less of a grudge against my mum as well when i started realizing that she perhaps had her own insecurities and her reasons for doing what she did. she is also trying to get rid of the past, move on, and provide me wiht what she did not have. i’m much less bitter now, and more empathetic. I think it will be a journey to get past all of this, but at least i’m on the path to it!! 🙂
thanks for sharing the wisdom
Noch Noch
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Hi Noch,
Let me just start by saying, I love your blog. Your writing is heartfelt, authentic, witty and truly inspirational to me. I’ve spent the past week or so reading your blog from the beginning and I feel an amazing kinship even though we’ve never actually met. If you were on my side of the world, I’d totally invite you out for coffee and a chat. 🙂
Anyway, this blog post reminds me of a t-shirt (or maybe it was a poster?) I saw a while ago:
“To be is to do.” – Socrates
“To do is to be.” – Sartre
“Do be do be do…” – Sinatra
It tickles me on several levels – one, I am a philosopher. Two, I love Frank Sinatra, his music, his blue eyes… and three, it makes me really think. Some people really step into or connect with whatever they’re doing and take on the identity of that collection of tasks, whatever it may be. For example, one of my best friends is an accountant. She always knew, from the time she was small, that she wanted to be a “bean counter.” In essence, she became an accountant because accounting was what she liked to do. Conversely, others consciously do one thing and identify themselves with something entirely different. Think of all the waiters in Los Angeles who serve food all day, every day, but are deep down actors waiting for their “big break.” They are (or be) actors, who happen to wait tables (do). Which leaves me with Sinatra’s quote: “Do be do be do…” I’ll give you a minute to sing it in your head a few times over… Ok, now that it’s stuck, I think to really be balanced and happy, you’ve got to alternate between these two ideas. Do the things you like to do, Be what you want to be, but go back to doing other things too, so you can learn to be things you never thought you could be. Do, be, do, be – repeat. 🙂
There’s my two cents for tonight. I hope you’re having a fantastic day and I’m sure I’ll be responding more soon. Take care.
-Kate
Hi Kate
THANK YOU! That was very kind of you, and yes the song is completely stuck in my head now – I blame you!!! :p
I enjoyed your thoughts, and agree that we have to alternate between do be do be do, because either extreme would not be healthy. Either way we have to make that decision and choice when to do be do be do 🙂
Hahahah
Take care and talk more soon
Noch Noch
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