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spinning out of control

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Why is depression so daunting to some? Why is it so difficult for some to lift themselves out of the mental state?

Control – we’ve lost control over the environment, the situation and ourselves.

Perhaps in reality we haven’t really lost the control. But it feels so, and we perceive it to be so.

So we are lost. We are confused. We are frightened. We twirl in our own fear.

Particularly for control freaks like me, that sense of loss is even more demoralizing and intimidating. Imagine walking blindfolded underground in the sewers, and unknowingly falling through some big well with nothing to hold on to – not that I’ve done so but it’s the best way I can describe the trepidation of not being in control.

To regain control over myself, I wrote lists – lists of things I want to do, list of things I like, list of my strengths and weaknesses, list of hobbies, list of achievements, list of places I’ve been to, list of places I want to go to. Then I narrowed it down, tried to see which ones I could realize in the short term, and which ones involved more planning.

I patted myself on the back for things I had already achieved.

I looked at what aspect of myself I wanted to improve on – did I need to learn to calm down and be patient? What brought about my stress?

I wrote and wrote.

Gradually, I felt I could make small changes to the situation and myself. Slowly I could decide for myself whether I needed to continue the medication or not. Little by little, I felt that getting better wasn’t such a Herculean task anymore.

Control – control your mind and thoughts, control your actions.

You can do it. And you will get better.

15 Responses

  1. Kevin says:

    Maybe the key is to accept that you can’t be in control of everything? It’s no surprise that people who need to be in control of a situation are likely to be the ones that are most susceptible to stress.

    • nochnoch says:

      @kevin: agree we can’t control everything, but we can at least control our own thoughts and emotions, to find a balance, and from there, perhaps step out from depressive moods…

  2. Barry Sum says:

    Enjoy spontaneity and surprises, which are all part of life. Prioritize and focus on your priorities. Start with one thing at a time perhaps. Literally one thing only.

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about Noch Noch

Enoch Li, (pen name: Noch Noch) is born and raised in Hong Kong and Australia. She has also studied / worked / lived in the US, France, UK, Japan, The Netherlands, China, and has travelled to more than 40 countries. She loves travelling and her curiosity in foreign cultures and languages has led her to enjoy her life as an international executive in the banking & finance industry. However, she was forced to take time off work in 2010 due to her illnesses and after spending time in recovery, cooking, practising Chinese calligraphy, reading and writing – in short, learning to take care of herself and letting out the residual work stress, she has transitioned into a Play Consultant for corporates interested in creative change management and employee well-being using the psychology of playfulness.