NochNoch.com

Apart from the fact that Jane Austen wrote the book and Colin Firth dashingly played Mark Darcy, I don’t remember much of the story. But I can tell you one thing, I’m proud, and I’m prejudiced. And I’m learning to put it down.
I do not like asking for help. Even though it was clear I had no idea at first how to set up a blog I tried to read it up on my own. Yet there were all these friends around me who had the expertise and really, a simple email asking them would have saved me a lot of time. I relented in the end, and got one of them to tutor me through. I don’t like bothering people, and I always like to think I can learn everything and anything. I’m proud.

I don’t like making a fool of myself either. If I cannot speak a new language I’m learning in the perfect accent, I’d rather play dumb than practice, make mistakes and improve. If I can’t play the piano like a concert performer, I will not play in front of anyone. I’m a perfectionist in this way, I had to be the best and everything had to be perfect. It’s my pride.

Indeed, during my worst period of depression, I hid from everyone I could. I didn’t want people to laugh at me. I felt that I had to maintain my image as that cheery happy bubbly person they knew. I had my pride.

I think myself as more superior, over whom I don’t know, and for what reason beats me. But I am prejudiced against those who are perhaps, less smart, less quick-witted and less exposed to the world – you need to learn to speak in front of the public? My dear you should know that by the time you were 10 years old! I am condescending to say the least, judging others relative to my experience and background, unreasonably critical of others who don’t meet my “standards”. Who am I to say anything or judge?

And they think I follow my fiance around the world with his job? Gulp. Choke. Cough. Smirk. No way. But what’s wrong with that anyways? Am I, too, looking down on the “housewives”? What is my own point here? Don’t know. Granted, I pay the rent – oops my pride again.

The greatest obstacle that prevented me from receiving the medical treatment required promptly was also my pride.

I was not sick. I could cope with the stress. Migraines can’t hurt (actually migraines can trigger strokes and heart attacks, and I’m getting vertigo problems from it). I need to go back to the office, they can’t do without me – ha, I am funny sometimes.

The day one of my bosses said to me over the phone: “noch, I speak to you as a friend, put down your pride, and look after yourself” was like being struck by lightning. My pride was my own detriment.

Admit you are weak – it’s ok to not be the strongest or the best sometimes.

Take off the coloured lenses through which you look at the world. Let your pride down. Let your prejudice vanquish.

Then we can move on in life.

Be me.