pride & prejudice


Apart from the fact that Jane Austen wrote the book and Colin Firth dashingly played Mark Darcy, I don’t remember much of the story. But I can tell you one thing, I’m proud, and I’m prejudiced. And I’m learning to put it down.
I do not like asking for help. Even though it was clear I had no idea at first how to set up a blog I tried to read it up on my own. Yet there were all these friends around me who had the expertise and really, a simple email asking them would have saved me a lot of time. I relented in the end, and got one of them to tutor me through. I don’t like bothering people, and I always like to think I can learn everything and anything. I’m proud.

I don’t like making a fool of myself either. If I cannot speak a new language I’m learning in the perfect accent, I’d rather play dumb than practice, make mistakes and improve. If I can’t play the piano like a concert performer, I will not play in front of anyone. I’m a perfectionist in this way, I had to be the best and everything had to be perfect. It’s my pride.

Indeed, during my worst period of depression, I hid from everyone I could. I didn’t want people to laugh at me. I felt that I had to maintain my image as that cheery happy bubbly person they knew. I had my pride.

I think myself as more superior, over whom I don’t know, and for what reason beats me. But I am prejudiced against those who are perhaps, less smart, less quick-witted and less exposed to the world – you need to learn to speak in front of the public? My dear you should know that by the time you were 10 years old! I am condescending to say the least, judging others relative to my experience and background, unreasonably critical of others who don’t meet my “standards”. Who am I to say anything or judge?

And they think I follow my fiance around the world with his job? Gulp. Choke. Cough. Smirk. No way. But what’s wrong with that anyways? Am I, too, looking down on the “housewives”? What is my own point here? Don’t know. Granted, I pay the rent – oops my pride again.

The greatest obstacle that prevented me from receiving the medical treatment required promptly was also my pride.

I was not sick. I could cope with the stress. Migraines can’t hurt (actually migraines can trigger strokes and heart attacks, and I’m getting vertigo problems from it). I need to go back to the office, they can’t do without me – ha, I am funny sometimes.

The day one of my bosses said to me over the phone: “noch, I speak to you as a friend, put down your pride, and look after yourself” was like being struck by lightning. My pride was my own detriment.

Admit you are weak – it’s ok to not be the strongest or the best sometimes.

Take off the coloured lenses through which you look at the world. Let your pride down. Let your prejudice vanquish.

Then we can move on in life.

Be me.

10 Responses

  1. Kevin says:

    Pride, ego, face – whatever you call it – it’s the biggest barrier to becoming a better person. I guess this is what they really mean by the value of ‘humility’. I need to learn this too.

  2. tannis says:

    Thank you so much for sharing. This is so raw, so true, so real. Very well said!

  3. […] it was my pride that prevented me from heeding to any advice from anyone I did not admire or deem to have amassed a […]

  4. Hui says:

    ture, ture, ture… as a perfectionist myself, i understand the joy and achivement feeling to be “perfect” on anything and everything i do, and also the price that has to pay for being “perfect”.. Perfectionist is associate with being Pride — all good but matter of balance, the balance that lead to and benefit to a better life..

  5. […] to sign up for the job, I decided to take part in the moot court competition, I decided that I wanted to win, I decided to be angry, consciously or not, when I didn’t get that posting, I decided to keep on […]

  6. […] if not overtly, inside I was definitely arrogant and basked in the glory of my achievements. Anyone who “couldn’t pull themselves together” […]

  7. […] I would not want to write off anyone. Depression taught me humility, bringing down my self-righteous pride and critical judgments. I am learning empathy and compassion, and to slowly dilute my […]

  8. […] if not overtly, inside I was definitely arrogant and basked in the glory of my achievements. Anyone who “couldn’t pull themselves together” […]

about Noch Noch

Enoch Li, (pen name: Noch Noch) was born and raised in Hong Kong and Australia. She has also studied / worked / lived in the US, France, UK, Japan, The Netherlands, China, and has travelled to more than 40 countries. She loves travelling and her curiosity in foreign cultures and languages has led her to enjoy her life as an international executive in the banking & finance industry. However, she was forced to take time off work in 2010 due to her illnesses and after spending time in recovery, cooking, practising Chinese calligraphy, reading and writing – in short, learning to take care of herself and letting out the residual work stress, she has transitioned into a Social Entrepreneur and founded BEARAPY to help corporates make workplaces mentally healthy, and support executives to become more resilient.