My friend coined the phrase “monkey mind” for me when I was talking to her before Christmas. I still wasn’t too sure about what I wanted to do or what was going to happen. More so, I wasn’t sure I was able to do what I would like to do. Or so I thought.
For the most part of 2010 I was writhing in pain. As the year neared its end, I felt I was slowly recovering, physically and mentally. I started to think about my “next steps” after the bank. But I didn’t know what I wanted to do. My passions and interests from before seemed dull. My hobbies were monotonous. And even though I enjoyed calligraphy classes during it, once I got home, life seemed banal. I felt numb and confused. More so, lost. What should I do? What do I want to do?
As I was chatting with my friend, she said to me “noch, actually you do know, you are just not letting yourself realize it.” At first I was hesitant still, and then I gingerly asked, “Really, so I can really write a book and have it published?” Of course, why not? Why doubt myself now? The desire to write a book was engrained in me already since I was 6 years old and “published” my first book about a caterpillar that had too many feet, drawn on a sketchbook and bound by plastic rings.
I had approached clarity but I didn’t know it. Even if I knew it, I doubted myself. It was a naughty monkey in my mind playing tricks on me.
We all have a monkey mind to some extent. And it shouldn’t stop us from doing what we want. Send the monkeys back to the jungle where they belong…