google searches


I am flattered. Google searches actually return my website. I don’t have 1 million views per day but my blog is being read by people all over the world! To me it feels like magic, that there are all these techniques that allow me to see how people found my blog. Two search terms that particularly struck me were: “there’s got to be a way to lift myself out of depression”, and “reasons to stay alive”.

These 2 searches, and indeed other search phrases, struck me because I hadn’t really been able to comprehend how prevalent depression is being felt throughout the world until I see the number of searches. And it also gave me hope, because the fact that these people out there are looking and reaching out means that they are on their roads to recovery. And what is more flattering is that these people actually wrote to me and told me their stories and experience! It is indeed encouraging.

So I feel that, having gone through it myself, and indeed at the point of transition and reorienting myself, I need to try to share my struggles even more so that perhaps somewhere out there, someone googling finds my blurbs helpful. Yet as my friend cautioned me recently, I should stop indulging in the depressive moods and thoughts. I agree. Therefore, when I write about the past now, I am of the mentality of confronting and reflecting on past events to serve as a guide for myself to live my present moments; I am not obsessive about the dark hours. More importantly, I write to let those who need it, know: “you are not alone”.

After I saw these 2 search terms, I kept trying to answer the questions to myself. How did I lift myself out of depression? And why should I stay alive? I have had a relatively short period of struggle compared to a lot of fellow friends who have gone through the same illness or are still going through it. Common remarks I hear from them are that they feel guilty for being depressed, because there seem to be no apparent reason to be so. Others find it difficult to find constant support from their friends because people around them get tired of the gloominess associated with a person in depressive moods. Some get exasperated when doctors told them “it’s all in the mind”, and yet how to control the mind? And still others do not have the financial means to see a doctor for professional help.

In these situations, what does one do? I dare say that unless you have gone through it yourself, you would not be able to empathize those hollows and desperate hopelessness. The fatigue and exhaustion, the darkness, and the loss of control over your own mind can drive you insane – you cannot really say to a depressed person “snap out of it” and expect them to be able to. In those times, nothing anyone says or do can really affect their thoughts. Even worse, do not accuse us of dwelling on “unimportant matters” or tell us we are wrong to feel the way we feel. It could drive us to death. We feel guilty enough as it is being depressed so there is no need for anyone else to add on to it.

There is no hard and fast solution I guess. Anti-depressants help the body with serotonin levels and keep the spirits up. But at the end of the day, I think only we, ourselves can lift ourselves out of depression. With or without a psychologist’s help, we must try to regain control of our thoughts gradually.

First, I think it is important stay away from those who criticize you and do not allow you to embrace depression. It is part of you. It will build you (but obviously I, myself couldn’t not believe that in all sincerity a year ago when I was aching in pain mentally and physically). Their criticisms reflect their ignorance of what you are going through and will not help you in the long run. Stay away from the reprimands. Allow yourself to full experience the pain and troubles, otherwise you will be distracted by feeling guilty all the time instead of focusing on addressing the issues.

Perhaps, also ask yourself, search inside. Think about the good things you have done, and the blessings you have. What are your hobbies, what do you like doing? What is bothering you? What or who from your past makes you feel so bad about yourself? Are there some habits that are to your own detriment? What are you unhappy about in work, life, relationships, family, your dog? Perhaps, like me, you will have trouble identifying the actual causes and pinpointing the reasons for your depression. But it doesn’t matter. Every little thing counts. Just jot them down randomly. Write them down, break them down into little blocks and tackle them one by one. Think of ways to control the unhappy thoughts—will the worst scenario really happen? Do you need to move to another country, find another job, dump your girlfriend? If so, how can you go about doing it? Write up a realistic plan. Research your plans.

Be selfish, think of YOU first. You deserve to. You need to. Take as much time as you need.

There is always a way out. I know you don’t believe me now and it definitely doesn’t feel that way. But take my word for it. I took the way out, so can you.

And, if no one else understands you, if your family forsake you and your friends desert you, and no one would listen to you ramble on, well, I will. Write to me. Talk to me. I am no psychologist but I can share with you the therapy I went through if you are interested, or perhaps just listen (read) your thoughts if that’s all you need. I won’t judge, I won’t criticize, and I won’t laugh at you. I probably don’t even know you, but I have been through this, I know what it is like. I, too, am trying to start a “new” life and let the experience mould me.

We can get through this together. Be you. Be me.

8 Responses

  1. Hi Noch: What a powerful post. Your heart, mind, and life experience shine through. Thanks for sharing such personal insights about dealing with depression. Sending love your way – Ann

  2. Christina says:

    I’m nodding my head yes as I read this blog. When you said that anti depressants can only lift your spirits but you need to be able to change your thoughts, I couldn’t agree with you more. I hate relying on medication. A counselor I was seeing for only a few times told me that I should consider getting on anti depressants after I told her I wanted her to help me, help myself to feel better. That’s why I only saw her a few times. Counselors can be too quick to recommend medication. We just want to be understood.

    • nochnoch says:

      Hi Christina

      Yes, I don’t like over relying on medicine. But I think when we are at the worst it would help a bit. I’m surprised your counselors suggested medicine instead of therapy! Find another counselor!! 🙂
      Or you can come visit my bears to cheer you up hahaha

      Noch Noch

  3. Christina says:

    Thanks Noch Noch. I’m definetly going to look into another counselor. Bears can always help make someone better. LOL!

  4. Christina says:

    Your welcome! Your doing a great job on your blog.

about Noch Noch

Enoch Li, (pen name: Noch Noch) was born and raised in Hong Kong and Australia. She has also studied / worked / lived in the US, France, UK, Japan, The Netherlands, China, and has travelled to more than 40 countries. She loves travelling and her curiosity in foreign cultures and languages has led her to enjoy her life as an international executive in the banking & finance industry. However, she was forced to take time off work in 2010 due to her illnesses and after spending time in recovery, cooking, practising Chinese calligraphy, reading and writing – in short, learning to take care of herself and letting out the residual work stress, she has transitioned into a Social Entrepreneur and founded BEARAPY to help corporates make workplaces mentally healthy, and support executives to become more resilient.