There’s been a 2-month gap since my last post. Many have asked me why. The most likely reason I can think of is because I relapsed into some old habits and depressed moods. Yet it was also during these 2 months I am finally on the journey to making peace with myself. I came to a long overdue revelation: I have the luxury of time so why am I still rushing around instead of simply enjoying life?
For as long as I can remember, I’ve liked to be busy, I’ve liked to have plans, and I’ve liked to have a packed schedule everyday. I felt that I must take advantage of every single second I have to better myself, to develop my skills, to network and meet people, to achieve, and to plan for the future. After all, life is short, I must try to do as much as possible and be as far ahead in the race so to maximize my potential and opportunities available to me. I ran—no, I sprinted—everyday, every hour, even minute, every second.
Unfortunately, the body and mind will wear out. And it has, as you all know by now. Yet it’s a hard-to-break habit. When I started to feel better physically and mentally in the last 2 months, I felt the obligation to go out “running” again—networking, charity work, calligraphy classes, Arabic classes, new job perhaps? And even though I had so many things I wanted to share here on my blog, and whilst I jotted down the ideas each time, I never got around to actually expanding my ideas and posting them, hence explains the 2-month gap. I started to let my passion for writing dissipate, to make way for supposedly, other achievements.
Admittedly I felt very flustered when I see people around me running around, doing their networking, writing their blogs and building their own businesses. It made me wonder why I wasn’t “out there” doing the same, or even doing more. I was ambivalent, because in my heart I knew I needed to slow down, but in my head I kept calculating the minutes and opportunities I had lost while I was simply watching TV. My impatient nature urged me to get up and “do something”.
Then one morning, as I was sipping ginger tea and soaking up the sun’s radiance through my home’s windows, with my baers next to me on my purple chaise longue, it suddenly clicked in my thick skull! I was doing exactly the same thing that had brought me down and stressed me out in the last few years, especially at work. I was only concerned about the end goal, whatever it was. I wasn’t enjoying life even though I had the luxury of time to do so. What is wrong with sitting at home and enjoying the warmth of the sun on me?
So what was I so worried about? Silly me.
I am quite proud of myself that finally my heart won over my head, for once. It is not my time yet to scurry around again. My moment now is to enjoy my life, enjoy my time, enjoy my friends and enjoy being myself. I am not everybody else and they are not me; we each have our own timing.
I know that I have completely ignored the flowers on the wayside and forgot to breathe in their fragrances as I sprinted down my track. Perhaps I even stepped on them at some point. But today I can saunter down my own unique path and marvel at their colours as they sway in the wind. I have no envious cravings of other people’s paths nor do I wonder why their grassy pastures are greener—because mine is just as rich, albeit in a different way.
Today, all I have to “do”, is to enjoy what I have around me and bask in sun’s rays.
Today, I am at peace. Today, I have found serenity. The art of maintaining that serenity is now my challenge.
Are you treading on the flowers in your paths today?