how am i doing?


It’s heartwarming to know many of my friends are reading my rambles and also concerned about how I am doing recently. Well how shall I put it – I’m 80% recovered? I’m not sure.
Sometimes I am a bundle of energy and can go out, meet my friends for coffee and go to pilates class or for a swim. I’d be so happy I was out and about. Other days I just feel like closing up and shutting the world out, like last week, when I cancelled on everyone and just lied around the hotel playing Angry Birds on slo’s iPad.

Physically some days I feel good, like I am walking on air. Other days, the migraines kick in, or my scalp aches when I touch it and is so tense. Then that gets miserable. Today for example, I was so dead. Was riding my bike to go to the spa and on the way, I started spewing. Yuck. And I hadn’t even eaten so I was just throwing up foam and water. Had to call Timmie to come pick me up in the middle of East Third Ring Road and take me to SOS clinic. My stomach was so cramped and sore.

They put me on the IV drip – seriously, by now, I know the drill from beginning to end by heart. The nurse comes out with a wheelchair since I cannot even stand, pushes me to ER, gets me on the bed and gives me a little bucket to throw up. Measures blood pressure, temperature, then another nurse plugs a needle in my other hand, takes some blood and then connect me to the drip. Then the doctor comes in, asks if I’ve been here, Timmie always tells them “yah, so many times”. They get my carton box file out because it’s so thick, and go through my medical history, ask a few questions and then injects more medicine into me.

I sleep. Puke. Wake up. Go to the loo. Sleep more. Puke more. And in a few hours they discharge me and send me home. Couldn’t find anything wrong anymore. Everything seems fine. If this persists, please see XYZ specialist…

So am I getting better? I think so. At least there are now days I can get up and walk around and do something, even read a book and watch a DVD. Other days I feel like I’m regressing and I go into a spiral of “I’m better off dead” mode. Have stopped the painkillers unless I really have to and moved on to Chinese medicine. No more anti-depressants either.

I guess all in all, just wanted to tell everyone not to worry about me, even though I painted perhaps quite a dismal picture. Just want to reassure you all I’m recovering. I’m alive, and well – well, sometimes 🙂

But please do understand if I have to cancel on you at short notice. I don’t want to but sometimes I just have to. That’s probably the most frustrating thing if you ask me, not knowing how I will be in the next hour, or next 30 minutes. Please be patient with me. I will get there eventually.

I need to be patient with myself too. My body and mindset have changed, and I cannot keep thinking I am “back” to normal. Rather, I need to get to know the new me. The new natural me where I go with my heart.

Be me. Be natural.

2 Responses

  1. imo,don’t wait around for astonishing possibilities. Use common events and make them great.

about Noch Noch

Enoch Li, (pen name: Noch Noch) was born and raised in Hong Kong and Australia. She has also studied / worked / lived in the US, France, UK, Japan, The Netherlands, China, and has travelled to more than 40 countries. She loves travelling and her curiosity in foreign cultures and languages has led her to enjoy her life as an international executive in the banking & finance industry. However, she was forced to take time off work in 2010 due to her illnesses and after spending time in recovery, cooking, practising Chinese calligraphy, reading and writing – in short, learning to take care of herself and letting out the residual work stress, she has transitioned into a Social Entrepreneur and founded BEARAPY to help corporates make workplaces mentally healthy, and support executives to become more resilient.