i am a baer and my name is floppie


Hi everyone, my name is Floppie. I spent everyday with nochnoch since she bought me last year. I didn’t know what happened but suddenly she was so miserable and always crying everday. Sometimes she hit me. But it’s not like her. She used to be so bubbly and energetic, running around, smiling and laughing all the time.

Yet for a few months, she was exactly the opposite. She always cried, sometimes I don’t even know why she started to cry. And once she starts, it’d be for at least an hour or so. Uncontrollably sobbing, wailing, sniffing. When she was crying and talking at the same time, I couldn’t understand her mumble jumble. And she got very frustrated when I just looked at her.

Sometimes she was so angry, she would yell at me and throw me around or off the bed, or even into the wall. It hurt. She asked me what I was looking at and said it wasn’t funny. I wasn’t laughing at her, you know. I was just trying to be nice. The worst times was when she hit me and punched me in my tummy. But I love her so I let her do it and just keep smiling at her and looking cute. At times, she got exhausted after crying and shouting, so she sprawled out on the carpet and rested her head on me. And I still wonder why she keeps hitting her head on the floor or wall, or with her hands.

There was this one time, which really scared me. She got me and all the other toys together and talked to us, and said that she is leaving. We didn’t say anything, but she thought that we said we will leave with her and we will go first and pave the way for her. She kept crying all along. Then she got this knife from the kitchen, and cut off Kung-Fu Panda’s head. Then she tried to stab Spiffo. Then she got a string from the cupboards, and tied it around my neck, and hung me from the clothes rack. She kept muttering, “it’ll be ok, it’ll be over soon.” Then she left us in the backroom until Timmie came home. Timmie rescued us and brought us back to her. She was crying hysterically and she apologized to us for hurting us.  But it was ok, I wasn’t hurt. I just didn’t know what to do to make her smile again and take me to play out in the snow or watch TV together like we used to.

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I was so sad because she won’t talk to me at all for days. And for some reason, she always thought I was going to leave her. One time, she put a woolly hat on me and gave me a little vest to wear, and then put me into Timmie’s crocs and at the door. I wasn’t sure if she was going to take me out or if she wanted me to leave. She just left me there and sat on the bean bag and cried more.

Going to bed was my favorite bit, because she would always hug me and hold me tight. But sometimes it was so tight I couldn’t breathe. Though I’m scared of the middle of the nights, because she would always get startled and wake up in the middle of the night – sometimes 4 or 5 times a night – sobbing, crying, screaming, or talking to herself and walking around the apartment in a trance. I wonder what she saw.

It was very scary for me, and I felt so helpless. Didn’t know how to comfort her. She seems a bit better now and no more crying everyday. But sometimes her mood still gets very low, especially when she hits her head again, sometimes she still hits her head on the floor. When she doesn’t want to talk or see anyone, I just watch TV with her. She doesn’t hit me anymore. I guess the worst is over.

9 Responses

  1. Timmie says:

    Wish I could be more lpike Floppie and just look cute when you yell at me instead of getting pissed of and walking off.

  2. Howard says:

    Dun push yourself to that limit. talk to someone you trust.
    wish you all the best

  3. nochnoch says:

    howard: yeh… thanks…. but you too, dont push yourself to the limit, and find someone who understand u to talk to. sorry i’m not much help these days… hopefully next time i’m back, we play lanterns together in a few weeks!!!

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about Noch Noch

Enoch Li, (pen name: Noch Noch) was born and raised in Hong Kong and Australia. She has also studied / worked / lived in the US, France, UK, Japan, The Netherlands, China, and has travelled to more than 40 countries. She loves travelling and her curiosity in foreign cultures and languages has led her to enjoy her life as an international executive in the banking & finance industry. However, she was forced to take time off work in 2010 due to her illnesses and after spending time in recovery, cooking, practising Chinese calligraphy, reading and writing – in short, learning to take care of herself and letting out the residual work stress, she has transitioned into a Social Entrepreneur and founded BEARAPY to help corporates make workplaces mentally healthy, and support executives to become more resilient.