SH!T – i have ALL those symptoms, WTF???


In one of the first few sessions with Dr Stephen-Claude Hyatt, he asked me to complete a questionnaire to ascertain where I was on the depression scale. I can’t remember the exact score, but I remember it to be pretty bad. I still didn’t quite get the significance of how depressed I was and how it might affect me then. I kept thinking, depression? I’m “depressed” every now and then, its curable by eating tubs and tubs of ice cream for a week….

I guess many of us feel low in mood every now and then, for a week or so. But once this feeling prolongs, it could become overwhelming for the mind and body, resulting in depression, or major depressive disorder. Some people get bipolar disorder or other variations. I remember googling for “depression” after one session. I didn’t intend to do extensive research about depression, but I wanted to make sure what I was reading was accurate. So I went through website after website, book after book, to comprehend what depression was, and what the consequences are.

After a few hours perusing articles, I got my “ah-ha” moment: “SH!T, I have ALL those symptoms, WTF???!!!!”

-exhibiting very low mood, pervading into all aspects of life

-inability to experience pleasure in activities previously enjoyed

-ruminate over thoughts and feelings of worthlessness, inappropriate guilty, regret, helplessness, hopelessness, self hatred

-may have psychosis: including delusions, hallucinations, usually unpleasant

-poor concentration or memory loss

-withdrawal from social activities and situations, people

-reduced sex drive

-suicidal thoughts

-insomnia, waking very early and cannot get back to sleep, difficulty in falling asleep

-hypersomnia or oversleeping

-fatigue, headaches, digestive problems and other physical pains

-decrease in appetite, resulting in weight loss

-lethargic or agitated behaviour

The pin dropped. I was depressed. Pretty severely depressed as well. Great!

(Apparently, if you exhibit 5 or more of these symptoms / behavioural changes for a prolonged period of time, seek professional help because you might be depressed…)

17 Responses

  1. Hey can I use some of the information found in this blog if I reference you with a link back to your site?

    • nochnoch says:

      hi madalene, yes you can use the material here if you reference me with a link back to my site. thanks so much! cheers, nochnoch

  2. Victor says:

    Oh wow. I think I had severe depression all last year.

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  10. Jan says:

    I came to your page through “Depressed Creativity” – your article… And realized during my dark period of 2009, I had more than 5 symptoms that you mentioned above. I didn’t seek for professional help then (didn’t aware of it and it wasn’t common in my country – Malaysia). I was lucky then I had my religion keep me in tact, and a great priest to help me through. I met a counselor towards the end of the “era” with helpful “tools” and advice. Am still keeping her in touch once in a while, for check-up. 🙂

    You are right by saying each one of us have to deal with it in our own way(s)… but never give up Hope – that one day we will be fine again. That ONE day might be three months down the road, or three years… But, it will come. 🙂

    Will read on your other articles. Thanks for sharing.

  11. karima says:

    im depressed i dont no y… im an idiot to my partner sometimes which i regret n feel ashamed of myself

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  13. Isabella Grace says:

    Hi, I was reading your blog today (I’m pretty sure that’s obvious). I just researched “depression stories” because I was recently diagnosed with it and apparently I’ve had it for three years.
    My mom has been somewhat supportive, but my dad is another story. He claims to have had depression but does not remember what it feels like. I know enough about it to know that YOU DO NOT FORGET THE EMOTIONAL CONFLICT IN YOUR HEAD.
    And after a few crying spells, he snapped and told me to, and I quote, “just get over it”. Truth be told, I expected a little more from him, but after he told me he wouldn’t really care if I died and that I was lucky that I’m not a prostitute, I’ve decided to expect nothing from him.
    I’ve been looking for help, but my current psychiatrist isn’t really working. We’ve been having sessions together for about two months every week, and it’s just not helping. I live in India, so treatments for mental disorders are very rare or don’t exist, according to a former friend’s mom.
    I even contacted an organization in England, specifically for people thinking about committing suicide. They told me that they only dealt with affairs in their country and that I’d be better off looking somewhere else.
    What do you do if you have no resources or an unsupportive family?

    • Noch Noch says:

      HI Isabella, it sounds tough what you are going through, especially with your dad’s responses. Can you rely on some friends or your mother? Or can you change to another counsellor? I switched psychologists a few times before I found the one that could help me. And are you taking any kind of medication? I went through a whole concoction of treatments, from medicine to psychotherapy to acupuncuture etc… and in the end, I realized, only I can help myself to think through these things. There will be times when someone says something and hurts you, and I’ve had that too. It comes down to a few of your friends who can be with you. There are some more posts on my blog that might be helpful, and the ebook on my page might help your dad understand. but your job is not to make people understand. it’s to take care of yourself, and grow in self-awareness during this time of depression
      Noch Noch

about Noch Noch

Enoch Li, (pen name: Noch Noch) was born and raised in Hong Kong and Australia. She has also studied / worked / lived in the US, France, UK, Japan, The Netherlands, China, and has travelled to more than 40 countries. She loves travelling and her curiosity in foreign cultures and languages has led her to enjoy her life as an international executive in the banking & finance industry. However, she was forced to take time off work in 2010 due to her illnesses and after spending time in recovery, cooking, practising Chinese calligraphy, reading and writing – in short, learning to take care of herself and letting out the residual work stress, she has transitioned into a Social Entrepreneur and founded BEARAPY to help corporates make workplaces mentally healthy, and support executives to become more resilient.