I am a parasite. Fused with whatever shelter I lay my claws on. Such mutuality has become codependence, and codependence hinders growth for both the host and the parasite.
I need to break away. I have lost myself completely – again.
What was once a relationship that is more than the sum of its parts, where we could be genuinely and wholeheartedly supportive and proud of each other, where we would discuss and contract our relationship, has become little more than administrative for mere survival. Perhaps both organisms are there by habit, despite the cancer that grows in between. Most times, the host dies a painful death, and the parasite, having lost its origins of nutrients will slowly disintegrate also.
Such emotional dependence, having tipped the balance, is no longer sweet nor romantic, but bitter and burdensome.
I woke up last week in the middle of the night, sweating, panting, gasping for breath. I woke up because I shocked myself: “I do not know why I have the boundaries I have.” Boundaries of time, space, place, people, relationships, sex, emotions, play, touch, mind, intellect, thought, life, death, love, hate… Keep Reading…