“Depression is the flaw in love. To be creatures who love, we must be creatures who can despair at what we lose, and depression is the mechanism of that despair.”
The Noonday Demon: An Anatomy of Depression”, Andrew Solomon
Something in Solomon’s opening paragraph rings melancholy with some deep profound meaning that I do not quite grasp. I opened the Bearapy’s World Mental Health Day newsletter two days ago with the same quote. Since then, I have been pondering.
Depression is a friend to me, like the marshmallows floating on top of a cup of hot chocolate. They just float – they are not part of the chocolate, but yet somehow enveloped by the fluid. Slowly they melt into the brown, unnoticeable, until they become no more – or the unfortunate ones get engulfed by me and down the oesophagus into the rest of the junk. I like the depressed mood. It makes me think, makes me write, makes me rage, makes me enlightened, makes me power through my to-do list.
I had always interpreted Solomon’s lines to mean being able to despair at losing “things”, like toys or friends or non-achievements. Today, while driving home with Arlie, tears popped out of my eyes, as I realized that maybe it is the despair of losing myself. Keep Reading…